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And then there's Brian Peeler, an egomaniacal knucklehead. “I'm a ladies' man,” he explains in a southern drawl. “Basically, I live by my slogan--‘When you're ready to peel those pounds away, just ask for Peeler.'" Wait a minute, did he say pounds or pants? Either way, I feel sorry for straight women sometimes. The Peeler has a scar across the top of his almost-shaved head. I hope it's from some woman who smashed a bottle over his clueless noggin.
Jackie takes care of business in the office, while the trainers work the floor. She works hard to make the gym fit her vision. “Building the best team is the only way Sky Sport can succeed.” Looking out through the glass of her office door, Jackie watches Rebecca with a client. “If anyone works the sex angle and the looks angle, it's Rebecca.”
“Ooh, your boobies feel nice,” Rebecca says as she hugs the client, Playmate Victoria Fuller. She ends the session by slapping Victoria's ass over and over. "I spanked a Playmate!" she says proudly. Victoria just lays there; she must be used to people spanking her for no reason.
Rebecca is a natural match for Brian, whom she flirts with by sitting on his belly while he lays on an exercise mat. Brian has a girlfriend and claims to be in “woman rehab,” whatever that is. “I'm down with a lot of ladies,” he says. And then, looking straight into the camera, he adds, “…and you know who you are.” There's one extra boob in the gym today.
A soap actor I've never heard of, Jared Edwards, is working out with Jackie today. Is he supposed to be one of the “A-list" clients Jackie's been touting? Did anyone tell Kathy Griffin the rating system is being graded on a curve now?
Jared is wearing weird black knee-high socks while he uses the tread mill. He looks like he just came from an audition of Eight Men Out, The Musical.
“You're strong,” Jackie says encouragingly, while spotting him as he lifts some free weights. “My mom says I'm handsome too,” he replies. “Did you pay her to say that?” Jackie zings back. Yow, Jackie!
Jackie's got Jared on his back now, legs straight up and feet out like a frog. She's stretching him into a position I've only ever seen on pay-per-view. “I'm not really available right now,” she tells him after he asks if she gets hit on by clients. “Why's that?” he prods. “Uh, I have a girlfriend." We wait for Jackie to proudly unfurl her rainbow flag, but all we get is, "Yeah, I'm one of those crazy people in L.A.,” she says almost apologetically. Lesbians are crazy people? “We've been together for a while, yeah, I'm gay,” she finally admits.
Later, Jackie's in her office when her girlfriend Mimi comes for a visit. As they chat, Rebecca appears on the other side of the glass door and spontaneously moons Jackie. Jackie's reaction makes Mimi's head spin around but she missed it. After Jackie tells her what Rebecca did, Mimi goes outside to confront the mooner. “No more mooning,” she scolds. Rebecca tries to flirt her way out of it, "Hey, you are pretty! Jackie said you were pretty…" but Mimi isn't having it. “Warning number one,” Mimi says ominously, more than once.
Another "A-list" actor, Kristoff St. John, from The Young and the Restless, comes in for a session with Jackie. The phone ringing in the background is a porn star calling--he wants his name back.
OK, so maybe the client's aren't technically A-list, but Jackie's innate understanding of promotion is so effortless, when she declares, “I think group classes are the wave of the future,” you almost believe she's onto something revolutionary.
