The L Word recap: Lead, Follow, Or Get Out of the Way (season 3, episode 9)
(Original airdate: 5 March 2006)

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Painful: Really the only word you need for this episode.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Alexandra Hedison reminds Helena what it's like to be a predator; Steven Eckholdt reminds Tina what it's like to be straight; Irene Lopez is back on the Chane gang.

Los Angeles, seven months ago — Yes, we're still stuck in this awful Dana/Alice breakup scene, continued from last week. Alice starts to go after Dana, but stops herself, and they're both crulping and Tracy Bonham's still singing and the chart lines are going from Alice to Dana to Lara, who's waiting in the car. But Dana's not ready to do very much with that chart line just yet. She pulls back as Lara tries to kiss her.

Dana: "I didn't break up with her for you. I broke up because it wasn't working."
Lara: "It's okay. I can wait. I've waited this long. We have all the time in the world."

That's right, all the time in the world, until the world (or at least the writer) fucks you over and steals your last shred of hope and stomps all over it.

Also, Dear Soup Chef, Do not try to kiss your girlfriend when she's just dumped her old girlfriend. Show a little class. Gah.

The retreat — It's silent, and peaceful, and Bette is silent, but not quite peaceful. She looks exhausted, irritated, at war with herself. Just like I look most Sunday nights.

Chaya Brasserie — Helena, Dylan, and Helena's kids are having a meal. Helena's daughter wants to know if Dylan can go with them to their swimming lesson.

Helena: "Pumpkin, Dylan can come anywhere she wants with us."

You know she didn't really want to include the "with us."

Helena gives Dylan's shoulder a squeeze and says "Anywhere in the world."

Dylan: "Don't do that."
Helena: "What?"
Dylan: "Nothing; it's just..."
Helena: "The kids are fine with it."
Dylan: "I know, but we're in public, and I'm not."

Well. Ain't she precious. You're hot, Dylan, but you need to get over yourself.

A sidewalk — Dana and Alice are window-shopping and bantering and being cute as usual. They stop to stare at a mannequin; Dana says it's like looking in a mirror.

Alice: "Well, bald is beautiful."
Dana: "I think so. Thanks for coming with me."
Alice: "Sure. I mean, I'm excited to meet Dr. Love. I want her to sign my book and stuff."
Dana: "I like doin' stuff with you. You're, like, my favorite person to do stuff with."
Alice: [after a long smiley pause] "Do you miss Lara?"
Dana: "Yeah... I do. I don't know, it's different with you."
Alice: "Well, we're best friends, that's why."
Dana: "Yeah. Yeah."
Alice: "I mean, it took me a long time to get here, but you're my best friend; you know, I wasn't gonna let you go."
Dana: "Yeah, I know, I'm glad. I'm glad we're back, together... as friends... that's good."

Quit shilly-shallying, you two, and get back to shagging already!

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