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A doctor's office — Max is getting the lowdown on a subcutaneous mastectomy. It runs about $7500, but Max says that's fine because she still has her insurance from her old job.

Doctor: "I'm afraid that gender reassignment surgery isn't yet included on any insurance policies. They see it as an elective procedure."
Jenny: "Hey listen, I just got my advance, so why don't I use the money the publisher gave me and I'll pay for it."
Max: "Jenny, I don't want you to pay for this."
Jenny: "I wanna pay for it."
Max: "No, I just wouldn't feel right about it."
Jenny: "But I feel fine."

The doctor interrupts to say that some of his patients hold "top surgery benefit parties"; they invite their friends from the community and raise the money. Max doesn't look so sure, probably because he doesn't really have any friends yet. Don't worry, Max: it's not about you. It's probably just another opportunity to write Betty into the episode, or some other guestbian who's supposed to be the star of the party but will just be sort of hanging around.

This song kinda sucks — I like Nona too, but even she can't do much with this cheesy song. In the booth, Mange is still rambling on about tempo or whatever else is bugging him. LWordemort puts him in his place, and that's almost enjoyable.

As Dylan and Helena and Tina listen to Nona, Dylan reaches over and takes Helena's hand. Helena's expression lets us know that it feels like a lot more than hand-holding.

Oh goodie — Jenny and Max have a Goodie Bag from Good Vibrations. One of the goodies is a "Pissin' Passin' Packer," which pretty much does what it says.

Jenny: "But you can pee standing up, can't you?"
Max: "Yeah, I know. But, I mean, I've never been able to, you know, whip it out in a men's room."
Jenny: "I see."

Jenny laughs in a dorky way that's kind of cute. Yeah, you know the season must really suck if I'm sort of wishing for more Jenny.

Extreme is the new season — Alice and Shane arrive at the studio with crazy 'dos; something sort of like a cross between a fauxhawk and a peacock. They announce the new Dana Fairbanks, and Dana steps in with her bald pate. She has a pretty good head for it, really. There are smiles and kisses all around, and Dana seems pretty much okay with it. Kit introduces Dana to Nona: "[Dana] came by to show us her new chemotherapy coiffure." Sigh.

The singing, or whatever that is, continues, and Nona Hendryx looks like she's trying pretty hard to care.

Elsewhere (you know, it's one of those studios in a big house or whatever), Shane and Alice are playing a videogame, which mostly consists of a lot of gunfire and Alice screaming "Die motherfucker!" and "Get the motherfucker!" and "Fucker!" Dana's sort of plopped on the couch behind them, looking tired and small (and frankly alien) but saying she wants to stay and have fun and play games. Alice asks where Carmen is.

Shane: "I'm in the shithouse. Carmen had a dream in which I gave Cherie Jaffe a fucking tattoo."
Alice: "Yeah, I've had that happen. I had this girl who dreamt that I fucked David Schwimmer."
Shane: [silent; stares]
Alice: "Well, Friends was on a lot."
Dana: "You know, Al, actually, when we were going out, I had a dream you were a midget. But I wasn't mad at you or anything."

Even with Dana being all sick and sad, that was one of the best scenes so far this season. Brief though it was.

Back on the couch, Helena and Dylan have slid a little lower and are breathing audibly, and Dylan's eyes are wandering up and down Helena's very nice body in its very nice clothes. On the other side of Helena, Tina sees what they're up to and can only roll her eyes. They really are going to stick like that.

Helena sits up and says she's gonna get some tea, and looks significantly at Dylan before she goes. Dylan and Tina sort of look at each other, and Dylan says, "Do you want some tea? " in a way that makes me snort. And then I snort even more when Tina says "Um, no thanks, I've already had tea."

So Dylan follows, and watches Helena stir her tea, and smiles, and waits. Finally Helena just sighs and looks at Dylan, and the next thing that should happen can't quite happen because Alice and Shane are lumbering down the stairs, talking about their videogame. They stop when they see Dylan and Helena.

Alice: "Hey guys. Makin' some tea?"
Helena: "Yeah."

They talk a little about Dana, but what's really going on is Dylan and Helena are wishing Alice and Shane would leave, and Alice and Shane are enjoying making Dylan and Helena squirm. Finally they leave, and Dylan and Helena find another room and get back to that next thing that should happen.

Dylan: "This is fucking insane."
Helena: "C'mere. I'll show you how fucking insane it is."

Yee-ha! And then Helena lifts up her shirt a little and dips her fingers just inside the waistband of her trousers, and Dylan steps closer. Helena takes Dylan's hand and pulls it down to replace her own. "You feel that? Nobody makes me wet like that. You're the first person who's ever done that to me."

Hello, Helena.

Their breathing gets a little heavier, and then Dylan takes her hand away. Helena looks puzzled, but then Dylan says "Take me home."

Helena: "You wanna go home?"
Dylan: "To your house. Now. Home."

Can I just say yee-ha again? Thank you.

Back in the control room, Carmen shows up, but she tells Shane she's just there for Kit and to meet Nona. "You are not to talk to me." Heh.

Carmen: "Okay. Not only did you give Cherie Jaffe a tattoo, but there was a scary-looking, like, bird that kept flying around, right, and at one point, it was screaming your name, it was like Shane, Shane, hello Shane, and you sprouted wings and you flew off with the bird. Okay? That is unacceptable. Nuh-uh. No."

Shane's confusion is matched only by the confusion that is her hair. She goes and stands next to Alice.

Alice: "Latin women. Caliente."

There is no way for me to type up the brilliance of Leisha's comic timing. Utter. Brilliance.

As the "musicians" (I'm not mocking you, Nona) wrap up their day, Mange continues to grouse. Kit scolds him for it, so he storms out. Does anybody care? Bueller? Anyone?

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