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Subtle again — Let's see what's pumping through Dana's veins. Yep, that would be chemo. Dana's cold, and even though her nurse, Connie, is pretty cool ("We do have iPods, with lots of Toto, Survivor, Whitesnake, you know — just if you want to feel worse"), Dana's not playing along.

Lara: "How does it feel now?"
Dana: "How the fuck do you think it feels, Lara? How do you think it feels to get everything under the kitchen sink pumped into your veins? My skin's fucking crawling. Where the hell did my life go?"
Lara: "Your life is right here. I'm here; your friends are here, your family, your fans —"
Dana: "My fans? My fans?! Have you been to my web site? Have you seen what they're writing about me? That one moron even wrote that I'm faking having cancer. 'She's faking it.' Because I finally won a tournament; I'm actually just retiring."
Lara: "I told you a million times not to read that crap. I've said it before, and I'm gonna keep saying it until you get it: I am here. I'm not going anywhere."
Dana: "Why? Why are you still here?"

A sign of commitment — Before Lara can give the obvious, yet never clear, answer (and I'm talking about the nature of the answer, not about Lara), the scene changes. Now we're at Wax, where Shane and Carmen are getting matching tattoos on the backs of their necks.

Tattoo artist: "Look at you too, another couple of dykes with matching tats."
Shane: [growly] "Yeah."
Carmen: "You know what though? It's like at least we didn't get our names tattooed."
Shane: "That'd be the ultimate KOD, wouldn't it?"
Tattoo artist: "KOD?"
Shane & Carmen, at once: "Kiss of Death."

Yeah, you want to watch the simultaneous speaking too. It generally bodes ill.

Vancouver — Oh, wow, we're in Vancouver. This show spares no expense.

Tina's visiting Josh the dull average whatever guy (don't make me type the acronym) on the set of his movie, and she's looking sexy as usual.

Tina: "How's the crew?"
Josh: "They're Canadian."
Tina: "What does that mean?"
Josh: "It means they work hard, they drink hard, and they all have their own personal grizzly bear stories."

Oh, whatthefuckever. If you're going to film there, you might want to show a little respect, eh?

They chat about the film, its stars, stunt doubles; blah blah. We don't care, and neither do they; it's all half-hearted foreplay.

Facing the mojo — Alice and Uta are strolling along. Wait, nobody walks in L.A. — but I'm glad these two do, because Uta has a nice swagger, not unlike Lena Headey's. (See Imagine Me & You if you haven't; it's a good time.)

Anyway, apparently Alice has just been to one of Uta's classes. She's impressed, of course, but when Uta starts quoting Donne, Alice just says "Wow, that's beautiful." That's the thing about vampires: if they can't manage to get you with their fangs, they'll ensnare you with their intellect. I'm not sure Alice is up to the challenge.

Alice's pigtails are not so beautiful. Well, they're kind of cute, maybe, but we all know how incapable I am of saying anything against Alice, so I should just let it go.

They've stopped in front of a church. Alice doesn't want to go in, because God sucks.

Uta: "God sucks. That's pretty atheistically dark."
Alice: "Yeah, my ex, and my best friend, Dana... she's um... she's 32 fuckin' years old, and she has breast cancer, and today she was going in for chemo, and I wanted to be there."
Uta: "You're still in love with her."
Alice: "No. Since I met you — and I'm not telling you this to freak you out or anything — it's just, I kind of had this uh, shrine. She's a pro tennis player, and she had a little, er, big, life-size cutout of herself, and I... you know."
Uta: "Well, we all have different rituals... to exorcise heartbreak. You haven't completed yours, Alice."

Alice disagrees; she says she's thrown Dana out, but Uta says that's not good enough: "You endowed mojo into this life-size voodoo doll. You don't just throw it away."

Well, who made this rule? I mean, I like my Xena cutout, but what if I've unknowingly endowed it with mojo? Curses! I mean, by the gods!

Uta tells Alice to call her when she's properly released all that energy and let Dana go and taken care of her. And then Uta goes to church. I don't know.

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