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The L Word: recaps: Episode 3.6 "Lifesize" (page 5)
by Scribe Grrrl

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The hospital — Alice arrives and doesn't let Dana's parents get away with the shit they're trying to pull:

Alice: "Listen, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now, but Lara's Dana's partner. We really need to respect that. She loves your daughter very much. Dana needs her right now; I'm sorry."

And then Alice and Lara go in, and Dana needs them both.

Strategic grocery bag placement — Jennifer Beals covers her belly with two grocery bags and is generally mopey. I mean, she really is kind of mopey lately, and I wouldn't say that unless I really really had to.

Tina arrives home and offers to help Bette with the groceries, but Bette's more interested in this thing Tina's going through; she thinks maybe it could be hormonal. Tina barks that she only dated men before she met Bette.

Bette: "So what was I — some kind of eight-and-a-half-year aberration?"

They go inside to find Angus and Kit making out while they babysit Angelica. Bette says "Oh my fucking god." Tina just gets all happy and congratulates them — yay for straightness! hooray for heterosexuality! — and even gives them each a kiss on the cheek.

Bette: "Oh, great, okay, hug hug, that's fantastic. But you know what, we need some rules."

I take back the mopey comment: that line was vintage Bette. So is her "ugh" expression when she says "no sex in our bed" and Angus and Kit make the appropriate faces to let her know they've already broken that rule.

The Sleater-Kinney show — Sleater-Kinney will always rock my world. Interesting song choice: Jumpers. They're just so so good.

Max and Billie go to the back room to talk about hormones. Billie notices that Max is packing, and proceeds to unpack him. Jenny finds them, with Billie's lips firmly planted on Max's strap-on.

Wait. We've been hearing there would be something shocking this season, something you've never seen on TV. This is it? This is the big event? Okay, I guess I've never seen this on TV, but I wouldn't call it shocking. One might even call it obvious.

Max tells Jenny that Billie made him feel like a real guy, not just "some girl with this thing in her pants." And no matter what you think of Jenny, you have to admit that she does work hard to keep her mind open. So she sort of ponders Max's statement, and gets it, and tells Max "It's okay. Don't hide." And then she gives Billie what is supposed to be a mean look, but is really more of a blank stare. But it makes Billie a little nervous anyway.

Jenny's going to be a nightmare on her book tour, isn't she? Lots of platitudes and seemingly profound revelations and random challenges to people who weren't really looking for a challenge. Sort of like Dr. Phil, only more like Madame Pseudo-Philologist.

Not a nightmare at all — At the Sleater-Kinney show, Carmen does a little booty dance. Yow, again.

Shane's cell phone rings; it's Alice with bad news. Shane puts her head in her hands. Everyone else gathers around, waiting to find out what's wrong.

The hospital — Everyone (well, including Carmen, but not including Helena, who's busy, and not including Moira, who had the good sense not to go along) files into Dana's room. At first they all stand back, not knowing what to do or say or think. And then Bette quietly steps forward, with all that strength and calm that she can still exude. She takes Dana's hand, and says "We love you. Do you know that? Do you know we love you?"

"Yeah," says Dana.

Yeah.

NEXT WEEK ON THE L WORD: Alice tells Dana to get a grip; Jenny's editor has a problem with the Jenny journey; Kit rips Billie a new one; Josh and Tina get naked.

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