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The L Word
recap: Lifesize (season 3, episode 6)
(Original airdate: 12 February 2006)
THIS
WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:
- Pronouns:
A salient sign of Tina's confusion.
- Fire
extinguisher: The best way to get your
point across.
- Family:
Better when redefined.
THIS
WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Alexandra Hedison continues
to smolder; Lauren Lee Smith tries to be strong.
A
question — What's with the episode titles
lately? Last week we had "Lifeline"; this
week, "Lifesize" — two titles that
tell us nothing and aren't even clever. It would be
cooler to just use random words that start with L,
because it would keep people talking. You know, like
Laminate and Lepidoptera. Or not-so-random words,
like Lobotomize and Laughable.
New
Haven, CT, 1985 — Siouxsie and the Banshees
are singing Christine
— why don't we just make this the theme song?
It's surprisingly appropriate, now that I think about
the lyrics. Anyway, Bette and her college boyfriend
are looking at a Mapplethorpe photo. Bette is wearing
a Flashdancey sweatshirt (off the shoulder and everything),
and she sounds just like Bette, and she looks like
Bette might have looked in 1985 (don't make me think
too hard about the sweatshirt; it's making my head
spin), but she's not Bette. I mean, she's not Jennifer
Beals. Her voice is, though, right? Could anyone really
sound that much like Ms. Beals? It's possible that
I just hear Bette's voice all the time in my head.
I can't watch non-Bette's lips carefully enough to
figure it out, because her hair is in her face and
because I'm still distracted by that sweatshirt. What
a feeling.
The
Mapplethorpe is powerfully suggestive: soon Bette
and her boyfriend (Coleman; recognize the name?) are
shagging. Great: so is this the only Bette Porter
sex we'll see this season? With a man, and not even
with the real Bette? Thanks.
Non-Bette
stops Coleman because she can tell he's thinking about
the guy in the photo. But then she says she does it
too: she thinks about her professor (whose name is
Danica). Coleman looks a little shocked or offended
or something. Just go back to looking at the Mapplethorpe,
Coley Buffoon.
The
morning after — Shane is home. Carmen
is half-sleeping on the couch.
Carmen:
"Did you fuck her?"
Shane
just sort of looks at her shoes.
The
other morning after — Bette is wide
awake. Tina is still sorta waking up.
Bette:
"Have you fucked him yet?"
Tina: "Did I fuck who?"
Whom.
But, well, Tina's not so clear about objects of fucking
these days.
Tina
says she hasn't slept with anyone. They talk about
what Tina feels and about DaddyOf2, and just in case
you were wondering, Bette and Tina are very far apart:
I mean literally. Edge-of-the-bed and edge-of-the-screen
far apart. I could just sort of stretch out between
them and take a nap, and it's a sad day if all I want
to do on a bed between Tina and Bette is take a nap.
Tina
finally says a little about Josh, the bland guy she
works with. Bette recognizes the name; she's heard
them flirting on the phone. Oh, nice, Tina: flirting
on the phone? Go ahead and have cybersex in the bed
too — I'll try to snore while I'm napping, so
that Bette won't hear your pants and moans.
Yet
another morning after — Angus tells
Kit he loves her. She's heard that before, and doesn't
believe that Mange is any different from the rest
of the guys who went out to get coffee or put gas
in the car and just never came back.
Angus:
"Okay, if you don't feel the same way,
you don't feel the same way."
I
really don't. Oh, he was talking to Kit. And he doesn't
believe that she doesn't feel the same way (sorry,
too many negatives), because she had four orgasms.
Angus:
"So, what, am I just your boy toy? Is that
it?"
Kit: "Would that be bad?"
Angus: "Yeah, that'd be
bad. I'm definitely not that guy."
Definitely
not: if you were, you'd be cuter.
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