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The L Word: recaps: Episode 3.5 "Lifeline" (page 4)
by Scribe Grrrl

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Tina begins to tell stories about doing research for some stay-at-home dads project. Bette is calm and very clued in:

Bette: "So you go on as Lindsey76?"
Tina: "Just that one time. Jesus!"
Bette: "What? Why are you getting so upset?"
Tina: "Because you're acting like I have some big secret Internet sex life."
Bette: "No, Tina, I think you're the one who's acting like that."

Tina makes one last bratty comment about research and goes to sleep. Bette just sort of waits and stares.

Dylan's place — Dylan is showing Helena her latest work; it's a brutal inner-city-ish documentary. Dylan gets a little overwhelmed when she remembers the death of one of the women in the movie, and stops the playback. Helena asks her if she's all right, and the next thing you know, they're kissing. And it's very hot. Well, Dylan's a better kisser than Helena is, but the whole thing is sizzly. There's no music, no poltergeist tricks, just Helena sitting in a chair and Dylan straddling her and lots of sharp hot breathing and hands in hair and hands on breasts. Very nice.

And of course then Dylan's husband comes home. He doesn't see them; he just calls out to say he's going to bed, and unfortunately that's not the sort of going to bed we were all hoping to see.

But hey: just the other day I was thinking "What's wrong with The L Word this season? What would I change? What do I want?" And my answer was "Sex. Sex, sex, sex, and more sex." I'm not sure whether I was speaking generally or specifically, but either way, I'd like to thank Alexandra Hedison for raising my body temperature.

Another sad bedtime — Lara is finding encouraging things on the Internet, about how Dana can be cured and can get her strength back in order to play tennis again. But Dana says she doesn't want to play tennis again: her career's over, and she doesn't want to teach or coach. Lara continues to offer optimistic details about muscles and procedures.

Dana: "Lara. Stop trying to make me feel good about my cancer."

Aw, Dana. I feel sad for you, and I feel completely fucked over by this storyline. I mean, why do this? It was hard enough losing Mr. Piddles: that's enough mortality for one character.

The Planet — It's the whole gang! Well, everyone except Tina, which is interesting. Dana and Lara arrive; Dana says she wants to talk to them. What is Jenny's hair doing? It's sort of a Dorothy Gale look. I think there's even a ribbon in there somewhere.

Alice launches into her usual passive-aggressive mode: "So what's up? You guys gettin' married?" Dana keeps her cool and starts to share her news, but Bette's cell interrupts: it's Tina. So Bette gets up to take this call we'll never know the details of, and Shane makes an announcement instead: "Alice is about to go out with a vampire." Alice corrects that: "vampirologist." I like the way Dana's smiling graciously and fondly. Even though there's a lot of heaviness behind it.

Bette's back, so Dana gets back to what she was saying. But she doesn't tell the whole story; she says it's "a little operation." They all ask for details, but the most Dana can say is "They found a lump in my breast and so I'm having it removed." She sidesteps all their questions while Lara looks on uncomfortably. Then we get this brief bit of awkward humor:

Bette: "You know, Tina had a lumpectomy and you can't even see the scar."
Helena: "No, no, you can't."
[beat]
Helena: "I mean, I didn't even know that she'd had one."

— which doesn't really break the tension at all, unfortunately.

Shane does one of her things — you know, those things that reveal that she's a good friend: "Fuck it: what time?" But Dana doesn't want any of them to be there; she says Lara will be there, and that's enough. Lara and Alice both look like they're going to burst: both with fear, and one with fear made even more horrible by truth.

A job interview — Moira is wearing a suit again, and hoping to secure an IT job. I'll skip over the inaccuracies of her pseudo-geek-speak for the moment. The point is that the interviewer is being a general fuckhead and asking illegal questions, like whether her former co-workers were okay with the fact that she's "hard to peg" and "neither fish nor fowl."

Interviewer: "We're team players here."
Moira: "Yeah, I'm a team player."
Interviewer: "What side do you bat for, Moira?"

Fuckhead.

I like the way the camera zooms in on Moira as the fuckhead asks that question — well, what I really like is the way she doesn't reply, but just sort of turns her head out of the frame.

Shaolin Studios — Tina is sporting fuck-me boots and a short skirt and a trés chic haircut. Here we go.

The guy (you know, the dull one from the meeting a little while ago) has bought Tina a present. "I got something for you." Mm hmm. It's a film poster — Catch 22 (groan) — but must he hold it between his legs like a big dick? It's not like anybody's sitting at home thinking "Oh my god, I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that Tina might have a hankerin' for cock. This is completely out of the blue! I'm so very surprised! What on earth is going to happen next??" We could do without the unsubtle visual cues. And I do mean "cue" as in a pool cue you've just been whacked over the head with. But just in case you missed it, Tina sort of runs her hand along the poster tube, watching wistfully as the guy walks away.

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