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The L Word
recap: Lifeline (season 3, episode 5)
(Original airdate: 5 February 2006)
THIS
WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:
- Act
like you have a girlfriend: The thing you
just don't say to Shane.
- Cold:
The new black.
- Vampire:
Often exactly what you want her to be.
- Good
directing: The cure for bad writing.
THIS
WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Alan Cumming welcomes
us to the Cabaret (again); Anne-Marie MacDonald meditates;
Alexandra Hedison proves that it's good to have lesbians
on TV; Rosanna Arquette proves that it's fun to be
a lesbian on TV.
Fairfax,
Virginia, 1985 — A guy has a flat.
He's driving a sensible station wagon, and he's come
to DJ's Tireland for help. He's also on his car phone,
talking about his ministry, Out From Sin, which helps
the homos discover Jesus. But the DJ's Tireland guy
in the red tank top and tight jeans and cowboy hat
might have a different sort of discovery in mind.
As
they stroll on to select a tire, we hear "Feel
Like Makin' Love," and it's pretty great. (But
it's apparently not the same as the one on the soundtrack,
because it absolutely is a remake of the Bad Company/Goldfinger
tune, and I think that rocks.)
Mr.
Redshirt (not the same as a Star Trek redshirt, but
not exactly a recurring character either) selects
a tire, and as he does, Mr. Christian admires his
treads. No, I don't know what that means either, but
it sounded vaguely sexual, no? Actually, not so vaguely:
Mr. Redshirt is talking about handling and response
and road irregularities.
And
then Mr. Redshirt finds the perfect tire, but by now
Mr. Christian's hands are on Mr. Redshirt's hips,
so Mr. Redshirt proceeds to hump the tire, just a
little. So that's where the term "rubber"
came from!
I
shouldn't be mocking it so much, because it's actually
kinda hot. Yeah, I know, the sight of a guy giving
another guy a blow job isn't exactly what we tune
in for, but these two are sorta cute. At least they're
not leering at teenage girls like most of the men
in these film-school things.
And
by the way, the boys are named Frank and Coleman,
and Frank (must I remind you) was fucking the ex-nun
in last week's episode. Yes, the connections are varied
and wondrous.
Sierra
Hills Memorial Hospital — Dana's getting
some news. Bad news. "The results of your biopsy
indicate infiltrating ductal carcinoma," says
the doctor.
"Ductal
carcinoma," says Dana. I say something that almost
rhymes with "duct."
The
doctor recommends either a lumpectomy and auxiliary
node dissection, or a mastectomy.
Dana:
"Are -- are you sure?"
Doctor: "You know, Dana,
this is not a death sentence."
Dana: [with a half-laugh] "Cancer."
The
doctor asks if there's someone she'd like to call,
but Dana just wants to know what to do. And when he
talks about reconstruction, she just says no, get
it off me, and it's not hard to understand the impulse.
Props
to Erin Daniels for proving she's not just a funny
girl. And applause for the director credit: Kimberly
Peirce, who brought us Boys Don't Cry and
is already making her presence felt.
Almost
serene — Bette is meditating. But her
head is full of Tina (wow, imagine if I meant the
other kind of Tina — who could meditate like
that??) — Tina talking about money, and generally
grousing. But Bette tries to center herself in spite
of all that spiteful stuff, and it seems like she
might get there — but then her laptop pings.
I
have two questions about this laptop. First of all,
are you telling me that Bette Porter has a PCMCIA
wireless card? Come on. We all know she's an onboard
54g kind of girl. Second, when I meditate, I either
mute my laptop or am on a laptop-free floor of the
house. This seems sensible, no?
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