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Shane's
debut — Shane is wielding her clippers
with a little too much gusto. One hapless victim ends
up with a Flock of Seagulls-ish haircut. I ran, I
ran so far away. Down at Fraggle Rock.
Let's
pause for an interesting aside from a dancing odd
couple:
Alice:
"Have you seen Moira?"
Helena: "She looks amazing."
Alice: "I know, she looks
like a hot guy. I like it."
Yeah.
She kinda does. I'm holding at "kinda,"
but I'm getting there.
Jenny
interrupts to ask where Carmen is, and to flail her
arms around in a Kermit-y way. Alice says (in a reading-from-a-script
way) that it sucks that Carmen's not there for Shane's
big day.
The
moment of truth and trial — Bette calls
Tina, to talk to her about the whole situation (you
know lesbians and their processing), and Tina assumes
she's asking permission.
Tina:
"So you wanna have sex with her. And she's
in the other room and you're asking my permission?"
Bette: "I'm not asking
your permission to... I don't know."
Tina: "Well, you better
hurry, because I don't think Senator Grisham's gonna
wait around for you for very long."
Tina.
Have you seen Bette? Some of us would wait centuries.
Bette:
"So it would be fine with you if I just
went back in the living room and fucked her on her
$50,000 carpet?"
Yes.
Yes it would.
Tina:
"If that's what you wanna do, Bette."
Bette: "That's not what
I wanna do, Tina. I just... I just want you to care."
Tina: [silence]
Bette: "Do you?"
Tina: [silence]
Bette: [as Barbara asks whether
she's okay in there] "I've gotta go."
Tina
hangs up, looking irritated and having no leg to stand
on.
Meanwhile,
Barbara is still there with the Scotch and the slight
smile and the seductive patience. But Bette can't
play.
Barbara:
"Thought you could use some encouragement."
Bette: "I'm sorry. I really
don't need any encouragement. You... you are an
exquisite woman. And the only thing I want more
than you right now is for my girlfriend to want
me like you do."
Love
hurts.
Barbara: "It would have been good
though."
Bette: [with a soft kiss on the
cheek] "I'm sure it would've."
And
they both saunter off in that strong way that women
of their kind will saunter.
You
call that a stunt? — Shane drifts back
and forth on a skateboard, as slowly as she can and
with no tricks whatsoever. Gimme that thing: I flew
out of the hayloft on a skateboard when I was 12 and
landed in a pile of ensilage. Tasty.
And
suddenly there's Carmen, and Shane is thrilled to
see her. Carmen has Russell Simmons with her. He says
hello and sings Carmen's praise, and says she has
her priorities straight: Carmen's there for Shane.
Russell
Simmons: [as Shane and Carmen kiss] "Well,
straight, I don't..."
Lame.
And
what's lame yet cute? The fact that Carmen has mixed
something just for Shane. So she spins it, and it's
good, because it's all about "Message of Love"
by The Pretenders. And Chrissie Hynde rocks. And are
Alice and Jenny dancing together? Bring on the crazy!
And let's all try to ignore the fact that Tina can't
dance. It's a good group scene and a good groove,
even though it fades into a troperific flaming trash
can tended by a homeless person. Sigh.
NEXT
WEEK ON THE L WORD: Alice explores her dark
side; Tina explores her straight side; Shane revisits
her past; Dana confronts her mortality. You know,
boring average stuff.
A
footnote — Mothra's "S/he-Ra"
moniker is brought to you by Ceri
Lloyd.
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