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Max says Jenny's novel has some cool carnival stuff in it. Never mind that last week Max hinted that she hadn't read Jenny's stuff.

One of Billie's other guests, Tom, is a writer too; he writes non-fiction, mostly, and is working on a screenplay.

Billie: "Oh, god, like everybody else in Hell A."
Jenny: "No, not me. I don't do it. I don't wanna ever write a screenplay."

Oh, crap. It was bad enough not being able to mock Jenny; now I even have to say "me too." Or me neither. Whatever.

Tom says some more about his screenplay; it's about a girl becoming a boy, getting top surgery, etc. S/he-Ra says "So it's about your life?" and Billie suggests it might be about Max's life too. Max admits she's thought about it. Jenny wants to know when, and why she didn't know about it. Maybe you were too busy writing some bullshit about your childhood, Jenny dear.

But again I have to give Jenny some props: she seems to be genuinely supportive of Max, and that's cool.

The main event — Shane (who's at Wax) wants to know what time it is; apparently Dana's game is on. Elsewhere, Tina does a funny type A "mm hmm mm hmm mm hmm" thing on the phone before tuning in to the tennis. There is a rather interesting painting on the wall behind Tina; it looks almost like a Bette-and-Tina-making-out painting. Helena shows up to ask about the meeting with Dylan, and whines that it's too far away — so Tina suggests she just call Dylan up and ask her out. But then they both get distracted by Dana's match. At one point, Dana looks tired or like she's in pain. But then of course she pulls through and wins, and plants a nice big kiss on Lara in full view of the cameras. It reminds me of that Tracey Ullmann episode (Tracey Takes On) where all the lesbian golfers were kissing. Only that was funny, whereas this is just sort of stagey. Okay, there are brief moments of hotness. But very brief.

The Senate hearing — The dyke senator, Senator Grisham (Dana Delany), makes a grand entrance and promptly gives Bette her full attention. 'Cause, well, who wouldn't? Another senator has a fit about the "eating pussy is the ultimate patriot act" piece, and sets a photo of it on fire. (Have you lost track of the fire references yet?) And that sets Bette on fire.

Senator Homophobe: "This is un-American filth."
Bette: "Senator, what do you think you're doing?" [tossing the photo to the floor and stamping out the flame] Un-American. Not as un-American as what you just did. You oughtta be ashamed of yourself. You know what you are? You're just the latest reigning vigilante self-appointed culture watchdogs of the moment. Devoting countless hours and enviable resources to this bogus mission of stifling creative expression in the name of patriotism."
Senator Homophobe: "Miss Porter —"
Bette: "And you know what it is, Senator? It's a distraction. It is a wanton distraction. Because let's just be forthright and honest about what is truly unpatriotic. Abject poverty is unpatriotic. The failure of our education system is unpatriotic. Lies told by presidents as justification for war is unpatriotic. It is unpatriotic that elected lawmakers fail to acknowledge, let alone address, real desperation."

As this magnificence unfolds, Senator Grisham keeps leaning forward and showing all kinds of fascination on her face. And as Bette storms out, the Senator follows her out, and again, who wouldn't? She says "that was rather fiery" (groan) and invites Bette to a cocktail party. At first Bette declines, but the Senator says it will get her the votes she needs. I think maybe there are some other needs to consider here.

Big, big props to Jennifer Beals. Somehow, when she points the finger (and she did, literally), it's not bratty or fake. How is that possible?

If you give a dyke a microphone — Alice has just played a song called "All Fired Up," by the Tra La La's. What can I call this? Trope abuse? Anyway, in order to keep herself from talking about Dana, Alice talks about George W. Bush's penis. It's almost as bad as it sounds, but at the same time, it's hilarious (and too visual for me to make it meaningful in print), and it's nice to hear Alice ranting about something pseudo-political.

But at some point during these meanderings, Alice's producer holds up a sign that says "You are dead to me." Oops.

It's a new car! — Dana and Lara are checking out Dana's new Mercedes-Benz (oh, right, I neglected to mention that the match was the final in an imaginary Mercedes-Benz championship). How cute is it that Dana's way of checking out the car is to read the driver's manual?

Dana also wants to check out the sound system, and of course she tunes right in to Alice's show. Lara quickly changes the station, but Dana changes it back. And even though Dana decides that Alice has lost her mind, it's kinda clear that Dana still cares about her friend.

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