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Bette
goes on about the new McCarthyism, but Tina's only
interested in the stipend. Bette rants about the "fucking
criminal" administration and the death of the
First Amendment, but Tina interrupts to say that they
have to let Angus go.
Bette:
"I can't believe you just said that."
Tina: "We can't afford
him. We couldn't afford him before you lost your
funding. You're gonna have to get real about our
finances or we're gonna be completely wiped out."
Bette: "Thanks. No, thank
you for laying your petty, bourgeois anxiety over
my already profound anger and disappointment over
losing something that means so much to me."
I
could parse through all the things that are wrong
with that conversation, but I think I'd rather have
a gurgly arr yarr blarr conversation with Angelica.
Bette
calls some guy named Grayden (what kind of person
is named Grayden?) to see whether she might be able
to put something from her private collection on the
auction block. Grayden suggests a Kiki
Smith print, and at first Bette says no, but then
she says "How much?"
Maybe
this is an insensitive thing to say, but didn't Melvin
leave Bette anything?
The
Planet — Billie is tasting things and
organizing things and being fabulous. Kit's not happy
that he's talking about changing the menu. I'm not
happy that Kit's hair is still ridiculously straight.
The
homecoming — Oh, look: Shane and Carmen
are holding hands in the car. I don't know how I feel
about this. After last week, I was ready to jump on
the Carmen train (because have you seen that caboose?),
but this cutesy stuff is going to grate.
So
Jenny's home, and there's Moira too, of course. Jenny
jumps into Shane's arms for a hug, and Carmen is sweet
too, and Moira's just sort of standing there wondering
what to do.
And
then we get a delicious tension-breaker, in the form
of a teeny little pup named Otto. Shane and Carmen
are puppy-sitting. This is not the sort of dog you
puppy-sit: it's the sort you puppy-nap. Given a choice
of Bette, Alice, or Otto, I do think I'd have a difficult
time deciding.
Jenny
reveals that she's allergic to dogs. Carmen says it
should be fine because Otto's almost hairless, but
Moira says that most people are allergic to the saliva,
not the fur. Well, how handy: not only does she know
how to pee standing up, but she also knows all about
allergens. Moira-Webster to the rescue.
As
if to express his disapproval of the idea that anyone
could be allergic to him, Otto pees on Jenny. "Why
do you pee on people?" asks Shane, and I think
she's talking to Otto. Probably. But not necessarily.
Carmen
offers to help Moira and Jenny with their bags, but
Moira says "You girls just relax and let us butches
unload the truck. Come on, Shane."
Carmen
snickers and says (to Shane) "Big butch: Go unload
the truck." And of course Shane nearly collapses
when Moira tosses a bag at her. Heh.
Johnny
one-note — Angus is strolling along
with Angelica, singing his "Hello" song.
"Hello to the car: so glad to see you. Hello
to the tree: so glad to see you." Does he ever
stop singing this song? Do you suppose that he greets
each day with "Hello to morning wood: so glad
to see you"?
Kit
sees him (and hears him, no doubt) and wonders what
he's doing with Angelica. He introduces himself as
Bette & Tina's manny, and Kit decides she'll call
him Mangus. I think I'll go with Mange, myself.
Shaolin Studios — Helena gives
Tina a tour and offers her a job. That's it: nothing
underhanded, nothing evil, just a tour and an offer.
Well, except for that brief bit of cattiness when
Helena asks whether Bette has found a new job yet.
But really, compared to the viper of last season,
is that anything to care about? This simply can't
go on: right now I like Helena a lot more than I like
Tina, and I just don't know how to make sense of that.
I feel just as perplexed about the nuns (lesbian ones,
no doubt) who are wandering around the lot.
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