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The quinceañera — In the primping room, everyone's talking about their quinceañeras, so Shane asks about Carmen's. Carmen's mom says Carmen was the nuns' favorite, and Shane makes a face that says "gee, I wonder why."

Then it's Chane's turn to get her hair done. And what do you do with that fraggly mess? You put a wig on it.

It's really kind of amazing: Shane looks a little like... hmm, Angelina Jolie, almost? I don't really know what to say, because Shane/Chane is suddenly making me feel the way James Garner felt in Victor/Victoria, but at least Chane's not likely to start singing.

A guy named Luis dances with Chane and confesses his love for Carmen. Chane tries to explain that sometimes feelings are not exactly returned. Poor Luis. Carmen shows up to "cut in," and of course Luis thinks she wants to dance with him, but she's there to dance with Chane, because "in the Latino culture, it's okay if two girls dance with each other."

Carmen: "I love your hair."
Chane: "You owe me."
Carmen: "I know. Thank you."
Chane: "You're welcome."

The cleanup — Angus (the guitar-playing guy) is saying his goodbyes, when Bette and Tina decide to ask him to be their manny. And of course he accepts, and is honored. Alice interrupts to say she had a great time and didn't think of Dana for 47 minutes.

Speaking of Dana — Dana and Lara are taking a bath, but again I'm feeling nothing. Zip. They should at least have a Rub My Ducky to help me along. Lara asks Dana whether she kept the doctor's appointment — you know, about the minor matter of the lump in her breast — and of course she didn't. Dana says she'd prefer a female doctor, so she'll ask Bette and Tina about theirs. Oh, right: what sort of athlete wouldn't have her own doctor by now? More importantly, where the hell did the chemistry between these two go?

Another bar on the road — Jenny and Moira go to a bear night and have a grand time. Which highway are they on, exactly? The yellow brick road?

More sexus interruptus — Shane (now back in her usual garb) and Carmen enjoy their roles: Carmen does a striptease that almost works for me, but not quite, while Shane smokes and stares. And then something really really does work for me: Carmen's ass. Do you see that?? Yow.

And then the phone rings: it's Jenny, calling to say she'll be there in a couple of days and that Moira may or may not be her girlfriend. This has been a muppet news flash.

The problem of desire — Bette is at the buddhism-meets-psychotherapy thing. Mr. Epstein is talking about art, and how if you pull it too close, it becomes pornography, and if you distance yourself, it becomes criticism. As Bette listens, we also see Tina, who's at home on the computer, chatting with someone called DaddyOf2. He says he knows Tina wants his cock inside her, and eventually Tina says yes, she wants him to fuck her.

Okay, my disclaimer doesn't apply to this: here's a time when I won't have to pretend I know how someone feels. I have a rather clear idea of how much this is gonna sting when Bette finds out. Fasten your seatbelts, friends: it's gonna be a bumpy season. Oops, this is supposed to be The Lost Weekend, not All About Eve. Speaking of The Lost Weekend, isn't there a vicious circle motif in that movie? Not that that would be in any way applicable to this show. No, not at all.

NEXT WEEK ON THE L WORD: Bette and Tina talk about money; Helena offers Tina a job; Kit meets the manny; Moira moves in; Dana gets a mammogram.

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