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The Planet — Alice dumps a box of toys onto the table where Dana and Lara are sitting and minding their own business.

Alice: "I didn't have a chance to wash everything, so."

And Alice walks away. Dana can only say "great" as she and Lara scoop toys off the table.

And that? Was the perfect scene and the perfect line.

By the side of the road — Jenny has to pee. So does Moira. The difference? Moira does it standing up. I tried that once, but not the way she's doing it — I was on a train in Peru (where everything's a bit uncertain, to say the least) and I tried this thing called a Whizzy, which is really just sort of a corner of a manila folder and didn't work at all. But Moira clearly knows the trick, and Jenny's impressed.

Moira explains that she's always done that, even when she was little. "When my dad caught me, he popped me one."

Speaking of dads and moms, an RV pulls up, and the average American couple get out and offer some help, calling Moira a "fella" and a "husband."

The Planet — Shane and Carmen smooch.

Bette: "At least someone's gettin' a little somethin'-somethin'."

That. Is. So. Wrong. And I can't quite see Tina's reaction well enough to comment on it.

Carmen and Shane talk about the quinceañera. It's going to keep them from attending Angelica's half-birthday celebration. As they talk about it (Bette: "So it's kind of like a bat mitzvah." Carmen: "With tamales."), Alice and Helena approach, and Alice thinks they must all be planning a surprise birthday party for her. So she asks what they're talking about, and graciously accepts the invite to what she thinks is a fake six-month-old birthday party. She also says she'd like to bring Helena.

Carmen: "Well, they are good friends."
Shane: "Yeah, they're always hanging out."

Okay, first, "they" are right behind you, so stop being so rude, and second, it doesn't matter how many times you state these things: it doesn't make them true. Even if the poltergeist proclaims them ad nauseam, we're not really going to believe them if we haven't seen the merest hint of a glimmer of their existence. All of the relationships on this show have suddenly become urban legends, and most of us have Snopes bookmarked.

I take it back: the Bette/Helena hatred is legendary in a different way. Bette tells Helena that if she doesn't have anything else to do, it would be fine if she comes to the party. And then Bette proceeds to walk away in the middle of Helena's reply. Heh.

The middle of nowhere — Moira is in the ladies' room, where a lady wonders what a "boy" is doing there. "I'm a girl," says Moira, as she struts out. The music gets all Pulp Fiction-y as the more ladylike girl tells her redneck friends about the "freak" that was just in the girls' bathroom. The kids (because the rednecks aren't rednecks so much as they're kids, really) give Moira some shit, and then one of them (Johnny, how quaint) pulls her out of the truck and says some scary things about how real men fuck. Jenny marches calmly out of the pickup, taser gun in hand, and tells Johnny to let Moira go. So he does, and tells Jenny to call him when she wants a real man. Jenny says "Sure, dude, no problem," and then zaps him, and I'm sure I shouldn't enjoy the sight of him writhing on the ground.

Jenny: "Hey. We're not faggots, we're dykes, you asshole."

Right on.

Jenny is very quiet in the truck afterwards. Moira and her cheekbones and chin can only look over at Jenny and worry.

The Planet — Billie Blaikie is the emcee for "Vulva Las Vegas." In case you didn't know, Alan Cumming was born to be in Cabaret, and it seems he hasn't quite left the role behind. But he was kinda sexy in that show — here he's more silly than sinister. That's true even when he holds up some condoms and says he's on his way to a Little League game. But Bette doesn't find it silly at all: she give him the "say that again" eyebrows-and-rapid-blink as Kit and Dana and Lara laugh. Actually, now that I've see that look of hers, I'm inclined to apologize for Billie and myself and everyone else who's ever failed or ever will fail Ms. Porter in any way.

La Jalouse — Moira and Jenny go to a "small-town gay bar." Excuse me, but as a survivor of a small town, I can assure you that that is an oxymoron.

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