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The L Word
recap: Left Hand of the Goddess (season 3,
episode 12, season finale)
(Original airdate: 26 March 2006)
THIS
WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:
- Post-predictable:
The episode. Not only did you see it coming: you're
already over it and filing your nails.
- Joni
Mitchell: Better than everyone, and perfect
for Bette.
- Genetics:
There's a reason they call it a twisted pair, especially
in the McCutcheon family.
- Prefrenchious:
Jenny and her new flame. Make that "flamme."
THIS
WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Jane Lynch chews; Eric
Roberts smirks; Élodie Bouchez stares; Steven
Eckholdt annoys; Holland Taylor sizzles; Irene Lopez
hugs.
Before
I forget — I want to thank you all
for the many many nice e-mails (all season long, and
especially the last few weeks). They truly kept me
going during this season of crap. (525,600 minutes...
how do you measure a season of crap?)
Back
to the beginning — Alice has a new (but
much more tasteful) Dana shrine, and is hitting the
bottle again: the pill bottle, but this time it's
Dana's pill bottle. What the hell is the music trying
to do to me? It's all happy loungey bigbandy, and
it's not right for what's happening.
 Alice
answers the door to an expectant (and rather cute)
Lara; they immediately take off their shirts and go
at it. To me, this still makes a lot of sense: they're
both missing Dana and needing comfort. And, well,
they're kinda hot together. If Dana were watching
from above (or, hmm, from that waterfall, since she
appears to be trapped there), she'd be shocked for
about two seconds, but then she'd say something dorky
like "Ooooh yeah, sharin' the Dana luv."
Alice:
"Scratch me. No, harder."
Lara: "I don't want to
hurt you."
Alice: "It's okay. I just
wanna feel something. I want you to make me bleed.
Please. Make me bleed."
Lara
hesitates, and then complies. It might have made more
sense for Alice to make that request of Uta the vampire,
but I kinda like it this way. And I still absolutely
love the way Leisha kisses and the way she makes those
little noises and the way she moves her hands. Umm.
Pardon me.
Six
weeks later — Yes, six weeks later.
As you'll no doubt recall, the first episode of the
season was six months later. Why? Because the writers
can't manage six months or six weeks or six freakin'
minutes that don't involve a death or a meltdown or
a revelation or a Betty song. Remember Linus's pumpkin
patch, and how the Great Pumpkin wouldn't come if
the patch wasn't sincere? This is kinda like that;
the Great Pumpkin (Great Pimpkin?) never shows up
because the writing isn't sincere, so we end up missing
Halloween or six months or six years.
 Anyway,
at least it brings us an ensemble scene.
Everyone's
talking about the wedding, wondering if Shane's really
gonna go through with it. Bette says she's a little
surprised Shane's gotten this far. Helena says Shane
had better go through with it because she's booked
fifteen rooms at the Fairmont
Chateau Whistler and has spent money on all kinds
of other things too.
Helena:
"The lay minister, the chapel..."
Bette: "The fondue..."
Helena: "The fondue."
Perhaps
Bette and Helena might like to share some fondue.
Perhaps I might like to watch.
Alice:
"It's great to have rich friends."
By
the way, Lara is sitting as far away from Alice as
she possibly can while still sitting next to her.
Guess this is kind of under wraps then.
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