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The summer camp — To get to Camp Imalahkaha ("Place of Family," according to the sign), one must hike. Alpha Bette tries to figure out the hiking trail map, but Max defeats her Alpha powers with his stunning male sense of direction. Whatthefuckever.

A long strange walk in the woods follows. This reminds me of every low-budget bad lesbian film I've ever seen — and believe me, there are many.

They find Dana's cabin, and we get a sweet little flashback to when Alice and Dana first met. Alice (with Lara-ish hair) interviewed Dana for a sports magazine, and clued in to what Dana was really saying when she talked about her "mature, together, strong, funny" mentor at camp. Heh.

Dana denies that she had any sort of crush and tells Alice she'll be hearing from her lawyer. They're so damn cute and funny together. Dammit.

In flashback No. 2, Alice tells the story of her second meeting with Dana, which ended up in a lunch date at Fred Segal. Alice was with Gabby Deveaux at the time, and it's funny that every time she mentions Gabby, Shane grunts in a disapproving way.

I can't handle these flashbacks! Too much Dana dorky cuteness.

Flashback No. 3 involves the group's "millennium Y2K party," which included a performance artist in a glass box who wrote on the glass (naked) (don't ask me). One thing she wrote on the glass was "Ilene is here." If only Ilene had stayed there.

In the flashback, Kit (a still-drinking Kit) meets Dana's beard, Harrison, and Dana is transfixed as Shane puts the moves on the woman in the box. Um. I'm not sure the words "Shane," "moves," "woman," and "box" can ever be that close together without someone being transfixed.

Back in the present, they all talk about how closeted Dana was.

Kit: "Y'all couldn't wait to out her outta that closet."
Bette: "Yeah, like you were so innocent about that."
Kit: "She was suffocatin' in there. You had to bring her out. She had to breathe. She needed to live. What. Am I wrong?"
Bette: "Kit, you were shitfaced."

I do still love me a little silly Kit/Bette dialogue, mostly because it always seems like Jennifer and Pam do too.

They continue their hike to the waterfall. Jenny tells everyone that she and Dana once "fooled around."

Carmen: "Are you kidding me?"
Alice: "Are you fucking kidding?"
Jenny: "No!"
Carmen: "You're just saying this to get attention again."

Carmen. Palabra!

Shane finally confirms, so Jenny tells the story. We don't get to see the awkward sex scene again, which is sorta good, because it was so insanely awkward, but also sorta bad, because it was so insanely hilarious. We do get to see what they did instead: dance. It's sweet. And it makes me say dammit again, especially when they just hold each other a little, and it seems to be a Mia/Erin hug.

Before we move on to the next Dana story, I have to stop to say that this narrative structure, if you can call it that, is appalling. Here's how Shane's story begins:

Shane: "Remember when her and Lara broke up?"
Alice: [in a "go on, tell me more voice]"Mm hmm."

Okay. What? This is like an episode of The Waltons or something. "Remember when Jim Bob went out on the roof to say good night and we all just thought he was in his bed like usual? Oh, those were the days."

And no, a comparison to The Waltons is not a compliment. When your characters suddenly start narrating, that's a sign that you need to stop writing. I'm talking to you, Chicken.

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