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The L Word: recaps: Episode 3.1 "Labia Majora" (page 5)
by Scribe Grrrl

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They continue to emote and do their poses, and of course that includes standing back-to-back and then face-to-face, just like the tarot reader predicted. And then Helena is fully gobsmacked when she realizes Alice's car is blue. I wonder what the chances are that someone in your yoga class (in L.A.) will be bisexual and brunette and drive a blue car? Probably not all that slim, but let's let Helena have her fantasies. She has so little else.

All Alice can say is "you're a good friend," which is sort of like patting a porcupine and telling it it's a good pet. She also does a phenomenal (as in hilarious) job with her body language and facial expressions — what a wreck!

Alice decides she needs more meds because they're only good for five minutes and they're making her crazy. Perfectly logical.

And as Helena walks away slowly, dazed by all the tarot coincidences, Alice sits in her unwashed blue car and futzes with her keys and says "Fuck," and again I'm giggling in spite of how tragic it all is.

Kenter Garden — Bette and Tina welcome the social worker. Well, as much as you can welcome a woman who's finding fault with everything you do. Isn't Cynthia Stevenson great? I loved her on Dead Like Me. Now there's a show I could watch for hours, without ever wondering what the writers had been smoking.

Has Tina always looked this good, by the way? Damn.

Road rage — Alice, who's loopy on her meds, passes Dana on the road and freaks out. Soon she's screaming "fuck you" and Dana is calling her cell to ask if she's insane. And then Alice gets another call; it's Helena, wanting to know what Alice's natural hair color is. Alice hmms and haws a lot, not wanting to admit she's not really a blonde, and too busy chasing Dana.

Alice loses her target at a stoplight, so she clicks over to Dana (who's been waiting on the phone for no apparent reason) and asks Dana whether she's going to go straight down Sunset or might turn off. Dana just hangs up. It's not funny, I know, so why am I chuckling again? I think it's because of Dana's goofy grimacey face.

Beauty above safety — The social worker (Roberta Collie) spots lots of dangerous sculptures and hazardous fireplace pokers and very sharp corners. But Bette explains that baby-proofing is not as important as letting Angelica develop her own intrinsic sense of beauty.

Bette: "I believe that children can learn what's safe and not safe through tactile encounters. I mean, at this age, she can't really grasp concepts: she can only have experiences."
Roberta: "So you're planning to let her put her hand in the fire?"
Bette: "Metaphorically."
Roberta: "I'll give you a metaphor, Bette. Go ahead and throw yourself off the 405 overpass. It'll hurt like hell, and damn straight you won't do it again, 'cause you'll be dead."

Wow — how many times do you suppose Bette has been spoken to like that in her life? Three? But it's not enough to keep Bette from saying that she hates baby fences "really a lot." I would snicker, but I'm too busy scowling at the idea that Bette would put her kid in danger like this. Oh, right, I forgot about that scary mobile from last season.

Home sweet home — It seems Jenny has been recuperating at her mom and stepdad's house, which is quite a nice house. And mom is Margot Kidder: hmm, that's sort of fitting somehow.

Jenny and her mom set the table; apparently this is Jenny's last dinner in Skokie. Jenny says she's had her last therapy session, but Mom is more interested in talking about the young man who's coming to dinner.

Mom: "What's wrong with Marshall? He's a mathematical genius."
Jenny: "Nothing. Except that he's a man, and I'm a —"
Mom: "Don't start, Jenny. We all know you were sick."
Jenny: "That wasn't part of my sickness."

But mom's not hearing any of it, surprise, surprise. We couldn't have some sort of sympathetic parent on this show, oh no. Well, except for Alice's mom, but she's just a chicken-chasing pervert.

Speaking of sympathetic parents — Shane meets Carmen's familia. (Didja hear that L Word theme en español in the background?) Carmen's mom is inquisitive and friendly, and Shane handles it fairly well, even this:

Carmen's mom: "Chane, Carmen says that you're a hairdresser?"
Sh/Chane: "I am"
Carmen's mom: "Who does your hair?"
Sh/Chane: "Oh, I do."

How do you say "fraggle" in Spanish?

It's a bit weird when Carmen's mom wants to know all about Chane's family (in case you're wondering, there's not really a "sh" sound in Spanish so it often becomes "ch") and Chane talks about being in foster care and all of that. Weird because it doesn't seem to really matter much to anyone. But it will be nice for Shane to feel like she has a family, if indeed they continue to embrace her once they know just who she is.

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