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Oh, now that really is thrilling! — Tegan and Sara are singing as the sun sets. What an improvement over... yeah.

But what are they singing? "So Jealous," which is what Alice is. She's doing her radio show, but she's really just ranting about Dana. That's right, it's six months later, and Dana is now with Lara. You know I love me some soup chef, but it kinda hurts to see Alice so unraveled.

Alice: "Yes, that same Lara. Lara the larcenist. Lara the liberator. Lara the new, uh, true love. Of Dana. And, uh... yeah. I mean, Dana, who told me she needed closure, closure with Lara. Well, it's six months later, and I'm still waitin' for it to close."

Alice pops a pill as she rambles on. And as she talks, we also see Dana and Lara kissing each other good morning, having sex on the kitchen counter, generally being cute. But too cute. Or not cute enough. I don't know: something's off somehow.

Also, who's responsible for depriving us of the Dana/Lara courtship? Never mind: that might make us understand, a little, why Dana left Alice, and clearly we're not supposed to do that. It's best to be spared that kind of honest emotional response: who wouldn't rather just be told how to feel? Millions of Spielberg fans can't be wrong.

A different kind of encounter group — Bette and Tina and Angelica are at a play group or early childhood education or whatever you call it when a bunch of parents and kids get together: I am decidedly out of this loop, so please forgive my cluelessness as the season progresses. Anyway, there's a guy playing a guitar, and they're going around the circle, singing "hello" to all the kids, including one named Lola, which happens to also be the name of Laurel Holloman's daughter. Aww.

It's time for "instruments," and Bette is determined to get her daughter the triangle. Haven't we already been there, done that? Oh, right: no carpenters this time. Bette fights for the triangle, but somebody else grabs it. Bette calls him an asshole. What could be better than a type A parent? That kid will be just fine. Really mellow and laid-back, no worries at all.

Then they all dance around in a circle, and Tina aplogizes to the guy for Bette's brusqueness. Bette gives them little disapproving looks and continues to shake her tambourine all the same, playing it up a bit. That's what I want: more funny Bette. Why do I suspect I'm not going to get that?

Speaking of what I want, I must tell you that I have done my part to improve things. I was very specific this year when I made my requests of Santa. I asked for a Ziff-less universe, a teleportation device, the ability to beat "Bark at the Moon" on expert level in Guitar Hero, a season of Schechter unfetteredness, a flat in Oxford, and Christopher Guest as a guestbian. It's not really that much to ask for, is it? But so far... nuthin'. I'll keep you posted.

Tina explains that Bette is stressed because they have an appointment with the adoption social worker today. So, all is good and you two are together and mostly happy? Again, great: just skip right over the reconciliation. No courtships, no reconciliations, no moving moments that would make me sit on my sofa and grin like the dork that I am. I understand that the show must not turn into one big Hallmark card, but does that mean it has to be a tin of Altoid Sours instead?

Yet another moment we've skipped right over — Kit and her son David are talking. In the same room. As if they've been talking for years. Whatever.

Dr. David is examining Kit, which is of course awkward, and Kit says so. She also says all kinds of dire things about how sick she is and how doomed she is, and David has to reel her in a bit. He asks what her symptoms are, and she says shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and headaches. I have the cure: stop surrounding yourself with dyke drama. And stop doing that T.O.E. thing, if indeed you still are.

David recommends some blood work and less stress and less helping out with Tina's baby. That's right: he said Tina's baby. Did you hear it? Did you get it? Tina's. Baby. What on earth could that mean? I'm sure I have no idea.

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