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Another day, another story — Bette and Tina are talking about birthing tanks as they make their way to an appointment at the hospital. Guess who's parked right in front of the door?

Helena: "Tina, I need to talk to you for a minute. [to Bette] Do you mind?"
Bette: "Yes, I do, actually."

But Helena's not taking no for an answer; she wants Tina to have lunch with her and the fabulous Peggy Peabody. Bette and Tina want to know how Helena knew where to find them. Helena says James told her where they'd be, which Bette doesn't believe:

Bette: "James knows not to give out my schedule."
Helena: "What James knows is that he wants to keep his job. He seemed to have relatively few qualms about it."

Helena scoots closer to Tina — make that swoops in for the kill — and gives her the details about lunch.

Tina: "I'm not having lunch with you. And I don't like this."

Nicely done, Tina — you can be kinda stern when you want to. But Helena follows them as they try to go in; she says it's important and insists that Tina's one of the only people who can hold her own with Peggy.

Helena: "Everyone else just fawns all over her. It's tedious."
Bette: "Not as tedious as this is becoming. We're going inside now."
Helena: "Fine. I'll make sure they take good care of you in there."
Tina: "What?"

So Helena just looks over at the hospital sign; it says "the Rupert & Doris Peabody Natal Care Unit." Ugh. Bette and Tina just give her a look like "You freakin' psychopath" and go in.

More possessiveness — Dana's training with the gorgeous Lucia Rijker. And Lucia's making Dana work hard.

Dana: "Why can't I just be a second-rate tennis player who's more famous for being a lesbian?"

Haha! Yeah, there are worse things. Like you could be a clingy, insecure girlfriend. Oh, look, there's Alice.

Alice has brought Dana her boxing gloves, as well as a guilt trip:

Alice: "You didn't say goodbye this morning. I woke up, I didn't know where you were."
Dana: "You knew I was training."
Alice: "I know, but you could have woken me up, or said... or left me a note or something... I mean, not like I'm needy, I don't need you to write me a note, I just, uh...yeah, I was just mentioning it."

Alice, you're making me cringe. Even if your hair is cute and you're actually wearing a shirt that suits you, for possibly the first time this season. Lucia is just sort of listening and smirking. She and Dana want to get back to the training:

Lucia: "You don't want Mauresmo making her look like a pussy."
Alice: "I think after you, Lucia, Mauresmo's gonna look like a pussy."

Alice tells Dana she'll see her later at The Planet. Dana says it's gonna be an hour or so, but Alice says she'll wait, and she also thinks she deserves a kiss for bringing Dana the gloves. More awkwardness follows, and also a really big grin — on my face, that is, as Lucia crosses her arms and taps her foot and waits with that smirk on her face. Do you SEE those arms? Yow.

Alice finally zips away in her Mini Cooper.

Dana: "She really loves me, you know."
Lucia: "Oh. Is that what that is?"

Nice arms and a nice brain? Hello.

From the lame to the sublime — Bette and Tina are staring at the "some assembly required" birthing tank. Bette says, "Right this minute, I am hating being a lesbian." I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. But I don't have to:

Tina: "Well, I know some lesbians that are really good at putting things together."
Bette: "Like carpenters?"

Woo hoo! Slam dunk for Tina! Tina says, "Sorry, that was a throwback," but her sweet smile makes it all okay. How great is it that they might actually be able to tease each other about that?

Bette starts to try to put the tank together "as a matter of pride." They talk about who's coming to Melvin's memorial service; Kit's son is going to be there. But Kit doesn't want Benjamin to be there. Good, I didn't really need to hear about how to channel your grief into your work. Turn pain into profits with T.O.E.!

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