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Paranoia — Dana is shaving her legs. Stop scraping them like that, Dana: you're making me twitch! Alice peeks around the corner with a carrot stick in her mouth and suspicion in her eyes.

Alice: "Why are you shaving your legs?"
Dana: "Because there's hair on them?"
Alice: "So? Is Lara gonna feel them or somethin'?"
Dana: [gives Alice a look]
Alice: "What? It's a legitimate question."

Well, hell. What happened to my sweet snarky Alice? You know, the one who would say that it's just so lesbian to watch your girlfriend like a hawk and be suspicious of her ex? Sigh. Only Bette and Kit have kept it real for me this season.

The surreal sidewalk — Shane is talking to Alice on her cell phone and strolling along with Mark, who's inspecting a can of Melvin's "liquid food." Shane is all happy and chatty and hey I'm the new Shane, I'm all stable and cheerful and Zen and you won't see me jumping onto the stage to mack with a pseudo rock star or snorting some random chemicals and sleeping in my truck. I'm just this regular guy hangin' with my homey Mark, and once I get that Carmen girl I'm gonna buy us a little bungalow and bring her breakfast in bed.

How is it fucking possible that Shane is suddenly the light character? Hello?? Fine, she's had a rough time of it and some rather eye-opening experiences, but if they turn her into grateful awakened Stepford lesbian, she'll become even more annoying than Jenny. And I'll have to sue Showtime for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Mark gets a text message from Lola — the one who actually did gyrate onstage with Peaches. See, Shane? Even Mark's gonna dump you if you lose your slutty cool thang. Anyway, she and Mark banter about the hot Lola chick and I start to drool in utter apathy.

Bette's struggle — Bette is on the phone, trying to get an extra nurse to help out. Alice and Dana show up with flowers, beer, and solemn looks. Next thing we know, Bette, Mark, Shane, Alice, and Dana are hanging out on the back porch, drinking beer and describing their dads in one word:

Shane: "Invisible."
Mark: "Bitter."
Dana: "Dependably supportive."
Mark: "One word!"
Dana: "Dependable."
Alice: "Distant."
Mark: "Bette, what about you?"
Bette: "What about me? What?"
Shane: "Describe your dad. One word."
Bette: "Dying."

The way Bette says this is so open and vulnerable and strong and... well, so Emmy-rific. I actually emit a little audible "oh."

Bette goes in to give Melvin some water via eyedropper (sniffle). Shane says maybe they should let her be, and Bette agrees. She tells them thanks, and Shane says to call if she needs anything. Alice blows Bette a kiss and Dana offers a little wave.

That was a wonderful scene. Again, more of that, please.

I must mention that when Alice said "distant," she seemed very unsure and hurting, and gave Dana quite a look. I don't know if it was an attempt to convey that Dana doesn't know Alice as well as she might think, or if it was Alice's way of saying that she needs people to stay close. Dana tried to get the message, but just kind of blinked.

Everything's fine, dammit — That is not the same Mini Cooper Alice was driving last season. Never mind, she's dropping Dana off, and they're talking about getting together after Dana has dinner with Lara. Dana tries to give Alice a kiss, but Alice makes it a kiss on the cheek.

Dana: "Are you okay?"
Alice: "Yes."

No.

After Dana gets out, Alice mutters "Goddammit." Yeah, you need to reel it in, Alice, and I say that as someone who adores you.

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