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That's funny. I mean, it sounds like Bette is the baby daddy. And yet somehow it also sounds perfectly natural, because Bette is such a force of nature. Tina just says "it's our baby."

Leigh: "Oh, I just met her recently. She is great."
Helena: "Didn't she ask you out?"
Leigh: [embarrassed] "Yeah."

Helena looks even more smug than usual. There would be a teapot flyin' at The Planet right now if I were there.

As Tina tries to go sit down, Helena stops her to ask whether they're still on for tonight. Tina thinks a hot bath and her own bed sound preferable. Yeah, I think maybe hot coals and a bed of nails sound preferable.

I love the way Tina says "We'll see." It looks more like "If you're lucky." And I'm done feeling sorry for Helena.

Alice and Dana and Tina finally get to sit down.

Dana: "So, you're okay with that, huh?"
Tina: "What?"
Dana: [nodding her head toward Helena and Leigh] "With that."
Tina: "Oh. Yeah, I'm okay with it."
Alice: "I wouldn't be okay with it."

Let me translate a couple of things: Tina's really thinking "Oh. Yeah, I've been seeing Bette lately, so I don't give a shit," and Alice is really talking about Lara, who has just approached them. That is, Lara has just approached Dana — I don't think she cares about anyone else at the moment.

Lara: "I was wondering when I would see you in here."

She and Dana hug, and are obviously very happy to see each other. Lara says she's waiting for Kit so they can plan the lunch menu. Dana, of course, didn't even know Lara was working there, because Alice decided to keep that little secret. Alice pretends to be happy that Lara will be at The Planet so much, and also not-to-subtly asks whether Gabby will be around more too, but Lara interrupts and says they're not together.

Lara: [to Dana] "I'm so proud of you. You came out big time."
Dana: "Yeah. Well, sorry I didn't do it any sooner."

These two still have some great chemistry. But I hate the sad scared look on Alice's face. It turns into an "I can't fucking believe this" look when Lara asks Dana if they can have dinner.

Dana: "Yeah, I'd love to... [to Alice] would that be okay with you, babe?"
Lara: "Oh... oh... you guys are... oh my God, I'm sorry."
Alice: "Dana, you don't have to get permission from me to go out to dinner with your ex. You guys should be friends. Best, best friends."

Alice knows it doesn't matter what she says, because Dana and Lara are all grinny and goofy toward each other. I think this whole situation is turning me into Sybil. "Can I talk to the part of you that likes Dana and Lara? No? Is the other personality there right now? What did that monster Ilene Chaiken do to you?"

Home at last — Melvin comes home. He's not entirely pleased with the surroundings; he's just sort of on display in the middle of the room. And at first he doesn't recognize Shelly, his nurse.

Shelly suggests hospital curtains so Melvin can have some privacy, but Bette thinks those are ugly and depressing.

Bette: "Get some of those Japanese screens and make a room within a room. Hey, why don't you pick some of those up at IKEA?"
Shelly: "Um, maybe you can get your assistant to do that."

You can take the director out of the museum, but you can't keep from her bossing people around and prettying up her environment. Hey, remember the last time Bette was talking about Japanese screens? Shoji screens. Candace. Ah, good times.

Next door — Mark is still playing handyman and is also trying to offer to cover the rent, but Jenny's not listening.

Mark: "I don't expect that it would fix everything."
Jenny: "Like you can buy me off with money and good deeds? Like I'm some kind of a whore?"
Mark: "That's not what I meant."

Geez, Jenny. I don't like Mark much at all, but if he wants to fix things around my house and pay my mortgage, that's okay by me. But, hey, this is your grudge — kinda like the horror movie, but not as cool — and you can be as scary as you wanna be. Too bad you cut your hair; it used to be scarier.

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