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Dana wants to know why, if Howie has been gay for so long, he's made that much fun of her:

Howie: "Well, it's because you were scared. I mean, be gay, be proud, everybody!"

And the crowd cheers. Aww. Howie, I'll adopt you if Dana doesn't know how to be a good big sister. But maybe she does know: Howie asks her to tell mom and dad, and she just hugs him.

Darker than dark — Jenny's still working on the herstory stuff. The klezmer version of the theme song that's playing in the background is really pretty brilliant — could we please use that version rather than the current one?

Mark sneaks in to drop off his keys. Jenny dares him to stay and deal with the Pandora's box that he's opened. So he takes the dare, snatching up the keys as quick as he can.

Jenny: "We're not friends."

Mark just stares at her, and then leaves. And then Jenny puts on her coat and leaves too.

More dealing — Kit talks to her dad, assuming he's asleep and can't hear her. She muses about how wonderful she thought he was when she was a kid, and how handsome, when he suddenly replies. He wants to know where Benjamin is, so she says Toe Jam's with his wife and kids.

Melvin: "You shouldn't have let him go. If he's the man you want to be with, then you should be with him, whatever the cost."
Kit: "Like you did with mom?"
Melvin: "I did what I had to do to ensure my happiness. Sometimes it comes at a price."
Kit: "Yeah. Yeah. It does."

She shakes her head, and squeezes his hand, and collects herself, and leaves him reaching for an empty chair.

Pam Grier rocked that scene.

Dance the night away — Alice and Dana are gettin' down. Alice's outfit has greatly benefitted from the addition of a rainbow boa. They're laughing and having fun, when Dana kinda stops and really looks at Alice.

Alice: "What?"
Dana: [close to Alice's ear] "I love you."

They hug. Alice says "I love you too" and blinks back tears or surprise or boa feathers. The camera steps back to show them hugging in the middle of the happy prideful crowd, and I curse the heavens for all of it. I mean, I think Dana's sincere in some way, but I know it's probably not quite enough.

Truth hurts — Jenny partakes of the seven stations of the cross. As Dominique straps her in, she flashes back to something. It's just like those visions of her stories, set in a carnival, but this time we're seeing grown-up Jenny's face, but she's in little girl clothes, and she's being attacked and held down and it's stark and horrible. Meanwhile, real-life Jenny breaks her restraints and tells Dominique, "don't touch me." We switch to another carnival vision, in which little girl Jenny stands and stares in her mussed clothes as the freaks dance under the big top. Real-life Jenny can only cry and say "fuck."

C'mere, Jenny. Let me hold you and shield you from the vagaries of Ilene Chaiken's truly sadistic imagination. You're exploring everything, and you're dark and troubled and deep, but your heart is nothing but open and there are a hundred reasons why this particular development is simply too far and too much.

Love is everything — Shane confronts Carmen. Well, not "confronts," so much as gives in. She tells Carmen about herself: her dog Remy, her brother she's never met, her mom who put her in foster care when she was 9 but whom she still loves very much.

Carmen says nothing: she touches Shane face, lets her own tears start to come, and goes away. It's not cold — it's just too intense, and they both need some time. Or at least that's my version of it.

The music swells as we see Bette and Kit staring out of windows, thinking about everything they've got and all they've lost.

And back at the visionary carnival, grown-up Jenny stands in mussed little girl clothes, understanding and wishing she didn't.

Postscript — If you don't know it, the song that's playing is Jane Siberry's Love is Everything, and Jane Siberry is god. I've known this since I was 4, just like Howie. Okay, maybe since I was 15. Anyway, I've been a fan for a long time, and her clarity and transcendence are something this show can only aspire to. (Also, her song "Temple" is the sexiest song ever, and would please Dominique.)

Love makes sweet and sad the same.

NEXT WEEK ON THE L WORD: Jenny tries topless boxing (a Toxic Tonya nod?); Dana partakes of dinner with the lovely luscious soup chef; and Bette takes Melvin home. Pssst: Tonya! Come back!

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