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Bette Porter reads the classics — Bette is reading Huck Finn to her father — the part where Jim gets bit by a snake. We don't get the chance to enjoy Bette's voice, or to ponder what this particular paragraph might have to do with anything, because Tina's there. She's got some food and a change of clothes for Bette, who's very grateful.

Bette: "As nice as it is, I don't know how much longer I could have worn this dress."
Tina: "Well, you look beautiful in it."
Bette: "You looked beautiful. Radiant."
Tina: "I was so mad at you for leaving the ceremony. I though you did it to spite me."
Bette: "No. No, I was so proud of you. You looked so confident."

They're so into each other — Tina even does that winky thing — that they don't even hear it when Melvin presses the call button. A nurse comes in; he asks her to close the curtain around his bed. Gah. That's pretty damn rude, Melvin.

Tina takes the hint and starts to go.

Bette: "Will I see you tomorrow?"
Tina: "Um, I'm gonna go to the parade with Helena."
Bette: "Oh."
Tina: "Look, I'm not gonna stop seeing her. If you don't wanna see me under those circumstances, I understand. One step at a time, okay?"
Bette: "Okay."

And then Tina kisses Bette's cheek, and Bette almost starts to try to make it more, but holds back because she's Uber Patient and Sensitive Bette now. Sigh. Not that I'm complaining. Just sighing.

And sigh is what Bette does, after Tina goes. Bette opens the curtain and tells Melvin he doesn't have to hide anymore.

Melvin: "What have I done?"
Bette: "What are you talking about?"
Melvin: "I've loved you. I've supported every endeavor you've ever undertaken. I've given you every opportunity to follow your every dream. I don't understand why you want to punish me."
Bette: "I'm not punishing you."
Melvin: "I do not understand. And you're such a beautiful woman."
Bette: [scolding] "Daddy."
Melvin: "Don't you ever think about the day you're gonna stand under judgment before God? What are you going to say to him when he opens the book of life and reads your sins?"
Bette: "I will say 'I am your creation, and I am proud.'"

And she says this to Melvin too, and if he weren't lying down, the words might just knock him over. As it is, he recoils a bit. Ah, strong, sexy, wounded-and-still-kicking Bette: anytime you wanna put me on a dungeon cross and make me beg for it, I'm there.

Sorry. That was highly inappropriate at such a touching moment.

Narcissism once removed — Shane is still watching tapes of herself. This time it's the confession scene, in which Carmen says they have something "rare." Shane is crying as she watches. Well, Shane, this is why people say it's bad to watch too much TV. I'm living proof.

Nice shorts — Howie is making himself comfortable. Dana offers him sheets and pillows, and wonders if he needs PJs, 'cause he's just wearing some sort of shell necklace and some groovy animal-print-ish shorts. "Not gay." Yep, that couldn't be more apparent.

Back in the happy orange bed of love, Alice whines that Howie is going to ruin their Pride. Dana says maybe Howie can hang out with Alice, because Dana's going to be on the Gay and Lesbian Center float anyway.

Alice: "Oh. Were you gonna tell me that?"
Dana: "Well, yes! ... Yes?"
Alice: "Great."

Dana feels bad, and says Alice should be on the float too, because she's a celebrity too:

Dana: "You're Alice Pieszecki of The Chart, Pieszecki!"

That was adorable. Partly because Erin Daniels is funny, and especially because I suspect Dana is congratulating herself for knowing how to say Alice's last name.

Dana: "Come be with me on the float. Come on, let's be known and gay together."

Aww. So they kiss and make up, but then it gets kinda sad:

Alice: "I love you."
[smooch]
Dana: "I'm gonna set the alarm, okay?"

Ouch. Okay, deep breath. I'm only gonna say this once, because I don't want the dream to die. I'd kinda rather see Dana with Lara, but I hate hate hate the fact that Alice has to get her heart broken in order for that to happen. And I think Dana already knows that she just can't quite return Alice's feelings completely, and that makes her a user and a coward, and that makes me mad.

But she's still funny and cute!

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