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Play — Alice and Dana head back to their room, all twinkly-eyed and grinning. Alice shows Dana the captain's uniform she's managed to procure. Alice puts the captain's hat on Dana and pronounces it "hot." I dunno about that, but it's all very cute!

The next thing we see is Dana trying to zip her pants over her strap-on (which I will now always think of as a risk to transportation safety and homeland security). She shifts it around until it's relatively comfy, and then stands at attention to wait for Alice, who's doing something with a blow dryer.

Alice emerges with the most perfect naughty grin and even more perfect Julie the Cruise Director hair. Look at her hair! And she's got a clipboard! Have I mentioned that I had a crush on Julie the Cruise Director too?

Dana is gobsmacked, or maybe just pretending to be:

Dana: "Julie! You look... beautiful!"
Alice: "Oh, Captain Stubing, thank you!" [steps closer to Dana and throws down the clipboard] "Captain Stubing... " [Dana grabs Alice's hand and puts it on her crotch] "Oh, god, is that a periscope in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Dana throws Alice on the bed; Alice says "Oh Captain, My Captain," and Dana makes a cute growly noise as she jumps on Alice. And, of course, there's a knock at the door.

Apparently they are expected at dinner; they're even "sitting at the Captain's table." The Olivia staffer says Dana looks great and doesn't need to change, and drags Dana down the hall.

Dana: "Julie!"
Alice: "Captain Stubing!"

Dinner — Phoebe Sparkle talks to the captain about freedom and self-expression while Shane expresses herself by slouching and guzzling wine. Dana and Alice arrive in their uniforms and raise some eyebrows. Ms. Sparkle says "See, these girls are completely in their power: free to go wherever their libido takes them." Yeah, and Alice's libido is taking her hand right to Dana's periscope. Dana promptly covers everything with a napkin.

Elsewhere, Carmen wants to know what the hell is going on with Jenny. Get in line.

Carmen: "It seems like you want a three-way with Shane."
Jenny: "It seemed like you were very attracted to her, and I just thought it would... I dunno, I thought it would be interesting."

Carmen thinks Jenny is jealous, but Jenny denies it. By the way, Carmen is kind of cute when she chews, whereas Jenny just really isn't.

Jenny says they should explore their options, and points out a butch in a tux, who raises her glass to Jenny. The whole scene would be a lot less laughable if there weren't a muzak version of the theme song playing in the background. Carmen doesn't comment on the butch or the song or anything; she just says "salad's great." Or maybe that's her coded way of saying she likes to mix it up too, or that she likes fresh leafy things.

Such an honor — Tina and Helena arrive at the dinner/awards thingie. Tina immediately rushes off to go talk to Bette, who is of course looking stunning as always.

Tina: "It means a lot to me that you're here."
Bette: "I wouldn't have missed it."
Tina: "I've been thinking a lot about us."
Bette: "You have?"
Tina: "Mm-hmm. About the other day. It was... nice."
Bette: "Nice?"
Tina: "Yeah. It was really, really nice. And, if you want, I'd like to see what would happen if we started to spend some more time together."
Bette: "What about Helena?"
Tina: "We're not exclusive."
Bette: "So are you saying you wanna date me?"
Tina: "Yeah."

Helena interrupts, but not before Bette gives Tina a look of pure delight and come-here-ness. The idea of these two "dating" makes me all giddy. I'm trying to ignore the fact that this is the first time we've heard that Tina and Helena are not exclusive. Does Helena know that?

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