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Dinner — Bette is still trying to get Melvin to care about Tina, but he's more interested in Kit (whom he calls Katie) and her "friend" Benjamin. And Melvin knows all about unified field theories and T.O.E. jam. He doesn't know about Kit's business, though, and is quite impressed. That is, until he starts to feel ill and has to excuse himself. Bette and Kit look worried.

Dance the night away — Shane and Carmen and Jenny are gettin' down. Jenny kind of smothers Carmen when she kisses her, and then pushes Shane and Carmen together, and of course it's much much hotter. They just sort of breathe each other in for a bit. Shane decides she'd rather find a dark quiet spot where she can breathe nicotine and the night air, and it looks awfully good to me too, compared to all the high lesbian drama on the high seas.

The Planet — Bette gives Melvin a tour. Melvin asks Kit where Benjamin is, and Melvin is a bit confused to hear that T.O.E. man is at a hotel and doesn't even live in L.A.

Kit wants to tell Melvin the truth, but Bette tells her that would be crazy. Okay, this is more boring than the cruise.

Melvin suggests that they have dinner at The Planet, because he'd like to "try out your chef." Oh, stop mentioning the soup chef if you're never gonna let her out of the damn kitchen!!

Bette gets ticked off when Melvin refers to Tina as "Miss Kennard." She stomps off, making a speech as she goes:

Bette: "You have no regard for what I'm going through, Daddy. None. And until you can acknowledge that my relationship of 8 years was every bit as meaningful as your marriage to my mother — until you can see that my heart is broken because I failed the woman I love, perhaps in the same way that you failed my mother, then I really have nothing else to say. Except, you know, I am not giving up. I'm not gonna end up sad and alone and full of regret."

Whoa. I can't type because I'm clapping. Kit can't type or clap because she has taken her dad's hand. Oh, fine, go ahead and take the perfect daughter spot just because you have a big appliance-like boyfriend. Wouldn't it have been great if Kit had worked things out with Ivan and had faced the surreal challenge of introducing Ivan to Melvin?

On the Verge — That's the song that's playing — Le Tigre's "On The Verge." It rocks. And we're on the lez boat again, if you were wondering. Alice looks adorable as usual, if "adorable" is the right word for a very flattering bikini top. But wait, what is this I see? I see some lesbians who might pacify the people who are constantly complaining than none of the women on this show look like "real lesbians." There's a heavy dose of real in the cruise ship crowd — real bad dancing, real bad hair, real real real. Hey, I'm not saying I exclude myself from this "real" group — I'm right there with them, although I don't think I'd tuck my shirt in quite that severely — but, on the other hand, there's a reason I'm not on TV.

A couple of the "real" lesbians accost Dana and thank her for coming out and living her life. Alice is a bit bored with the fawning, so she goes over to Phoebe Sparkle the Sexpert to do some fawning of her own.

Alice: "Is it true, for research purposes, that you sleep with a different woman every night?"
Sparkle: "Well, I like to have as much sex as possible, whenever wherever, but if I come across someone really amazing.... I dunno, too bad the cellist had to leave the boat."

Another woman asks who's going to be next, and Ms. Sparkle says she's open to a new discovery. And who walks up, right on cue? Yep, it's Shane. Phoebe almost immediately says "Can I buy you a drink?" and Shane says yes.

Alice: "Thanks, Shane."
Shane: "She offered."
Alice: "Mm-hmm."

Aww, Alice. I'll do some research with you. I love the way Alice struts off, sipping her drink and chewing on her straw like she's thinking "yeah, I didn't want that ho anyway."

Elsewhere, Jenny gets crazy with a bunch of boogieing (again, very real-looking) lesbians. Carmen sees her and is nonplussed. But it gets worse: Jenny lifts her skirt at some women by the pool (what are they supposed to do? clap?), and then jumps in the pool, fully clothed. Her skirt poofs up like it's some sort of automatically activated life preserver, but I think she's gonna need more than a lifeguard to save her from the verge she's on.

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