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Packing, in every sense of the word — Alice and Dana are getting their stuff together; Dana's very organized and checking her list while Alice fumes. Why is Dana's shirt about two sizes too big for her? And could Alice look any cuter in her shirt? Nope.

I dunno why the orange happy glowy light of their bedroom makes me grin every time. I think I'd better buy some orange sheets for my bed. Right now I have a cool amethyst thing going on.

Dana's worried about seasickness, but Alice is still fixated on the interruptions during the radio show:

Dana: "Okay, let's just work this out before we get on the giant boat that sinks with you mad at me."
Alice: "How would you feel, Dana, if I came down and I just interrupted one of your matches, or corrected one of your shots?"

Alice says she feels like she's always there for Dana, and feels generally dissed, and Dana just does the obvious thing and kisses it all away. It kinda works for Alice, and who can blame her?

Dana says she just gets freaked out and seasick and scared about cruises. Alice says she'll be there to take care of her and they smooch some more. And then it all gets so, so, so great:

Alice: "Look at it this way: no one ever got sick on The Love Boat."
Dana: "Actually, that's not true. Corey Parker, he played the ship's doctor, he was horribly seasick."
Alice: "No, no, no, the ship's doctor was Bernie Kopell, Dr. Adam Bricker."
Dana: "Right, and then Corey Parker played Dr. John Morgan, his replacement. It was the sequel, Love Boat: The Next Wave."
Alice: "Well, yeah, but that doesn't count; I mean if it doesn't have Gopher and Isaac Washington and Captain Merrill Stubing, that's not The Love Boat."
Dana: "And don't forget Julie."
Alice: "Right."
Dana: "Hellooo!"
Alice: "Really?"

Bwahahaha. Oh, goodie. I love the way Alice does the thumbs-up thing when she mentions Isaac. Yeah!

I once got assigned extra chores for insisting that I had to go watch The Love Boat and couldn't listen to one more of my aunt's boring stories. I think I was about 10, and this was about the middle of the show's long run (yes, the original show, the original run), so you can deduce my advanced age from those little clues.

But look what happened to Julie, Your Cruise Director: not a happy ending.

Shane's room — Look how anti-girly Shane's room is. If you put her room next to Jenny's, they would cancel each other out like a matter-antimatter explosion. Oh, wait, their rooms probably are right next to each other's: we're living in a supernova! Or whatever. More like an emotional black hole.

So Mark is there to tell Shane not to believe the shit she hears about him on the cruise. He doesn't want Shane to think he's a total asshole. But partial is okay, right? Shane says he's being "intense and cryptic" and then they tell each other they're friends. Male bonding: so special.

The airport — As they get out of the limo (presumably courtesy of Dana), our heroines discuss The Love Boat; specifically, whether the Captain or the Doctor got more chicks. Carmen and Alice argue about whether Stubing and Julie were having an affair, to which Shane says "who cares"? And Alice says somebody was a big homo, which of course prompts PC Jenny to wonder why "homo" is said like it's such a bad thing.

Wait, why is Jenny wearing some sort of small puppet show curtain around her shoulders?

Anyway, Alice is happy that they're all doing carry-ons, but Dana says no, she's checking her bag. So they bark at each other, which is sorta funny, but also kinda sad, because I don't want them to get snippy so early in their relationship.

Reunion — The poltergeist screams "breathing breathing breathing breathing" as Bette goes to pick up her father. I hate the girly way she says "Daddy." I don't think I ever called my Dad "Daddy," but certainly not now.

Mr. Porter is walking a little stiffly. I'm a bit confused by something Bette's saying: that Allyn Barnes was her "teacher" at Yale. Huh? Last week she was the subject of your graduate thesis. Make up your wonderfully huge mind, Bette.

Mr. Porter thought that Bette's mom, not Allyn, was Bette's inspiration. Bette sort of glibly says that she has all of her mom's watercolors. Why is this so disconcerting?

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