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Emotional
navel lint — Jenny doesn't like the
idea of Burr "tolerating" her because it
implies that there's something unacceptable about
being gay. Burr says it's perfectly acceptable for
"a girl these days," but still a problem
for men. Charlotte says nobody gives a shit anymore,
and hints that Burr has nothing to lose. Burr says
he's only speaking hypothetically, and threatens Sandra
with a lawsuit. Burr tells Charlotte to fuck off (in
a friendly way, of course), and gives her a smooch,
and leaves. Aww. Aren't friendships between self-involved
elitists just so adorable?
Jenny
follows Burr out to the sidewalk and tells him she
agrees with him about the double standard. He appreciates
this, and also enjoys it when Jenny says Charlotte
is an asshole and is not god. Unfortunately, Charlotte
is right behind her: "I wouldn't be so sure about
that, Jenny."
C'mon,
Charlotte, throw her over your shoulder and take her
to your lair! Jenny's already wearing the leopard
skin, so you can play Tarzan and swing from the chandelier.
Anyway,
Jenny has the best response when she realizes Charlotte
is right there: she just says "faaahhkk"
in that great way of hers. Burr tells Jenny to come
over the next day and get to ghost writing.
The
refrigerator of love — Bette is helping
Tina put away the groceries. They're both all gooey
and grinny as they talk about the ultrasound. And
then Tina says "come here," and we're off!
I
won't give you a play-by-play because it just can't
approximate the beautiful stuff on the screen. The
kisses are simply divine, and Bette's tongue is making
me weak in the knees. Tina cradles Bette's breasts
(no, we don't quite get to see them) as if she's thinking
she's the luckiest woman alive. And the most wonderful
song accompanies them: Heart's "No Other Love"
(and trust me, you haven't lived if you haven't been
to a Heart concert). When Bette kisses Tina's stomach,
I actually get a little teary-eyed, but then I just
get bug-eyed as they proceed to have the hottest sex
I've ever seen on my TV. And don't even ask me how
fantastic Bette's ass is.
It's
delicious and heartbreaking — heartbreaking because
I don't know if it really means a reunion... but it
certainly meant a very enjoyable evening for me.
And
you know what was really great about all of that?
No poltergeist. No regurgitated theme song. Just quiet
voices and whispers and Heart (both the band and the
other thing).
A
haircut — Shane is giving Mark a dykey
haircut while Mark rambles on about almost asking
Shane to hook him up with Veronica Bloom (for film
purposes only) before everything went to hell. Just
before I start to get pissed off at the fact that
this scene is following the hot sex, there's a knock
at the door. Speaking of hot sex, it's Carmen. (Well,
hot unless you're near a toilet.)
Shane
says Jenny's at work, but Carmen's there to see Shane.
So Mark runs off to watch the scene unfold on the
hidden camera. Or he would run, if his jeans weren't
practically down around his ankles. Get a proper belt,
dummy.
Shane
admits that she's having a hard time with the Carmen/Jenny
stuff, and it gets too serious:
Carmen:
"I know how hard you work to keep yourself
at a distance from everyone else on the planet,
but it's not working for you anymore."
Carmen
talks about the "this" between her and Shane
— that thing that flows between two people that's
almost tangible (or at least that's what I think she's
talking about). And Carmen says she and Jenny are
just biding their time until the real deal comes along.
Shane:
"You don't think you and Jenny are the
real deal?"
Carmen: "No. Jenny wouldn't
know what the real deal was if it bit her in the
ass. She is so lost in her own darkness. I think
she likes it in there."
Hey.
That's not nice. Not even to Jenny.
So
Carmen insists that she and Shane have had the real
deal since the first time they laid eyes on each other,
and Shane just kind of nods. Carmen keeps babbling,
offering a lot of platitudes and hallmarky stuff.
More
heartbreak — As Bette leaves Tina's
apartment, they agree that the ultra hot sex doesn't
mean they're back together. Okay, as long as we're
not ruling out more ultra hot sex.
But
Tina's gone insane: she says "let's not let it
mess everything up." Mess what up? The friendly
co-parenting? Bette has a look on her face that says
"fuck that," but she goes because she's
being strong and cool like that.
Moments
later, Helena shows up. Did she and Bette pass each
other on the sidewalk? And did Bette stick out a graceful
foot and trip Helena, and then wrench the aforementioned
foot right up Helena's ass? Why didn't we get to see
that scene?
Tina
pretty much attacks Helena, and says "I want
to fuck" umpteen times, and it's enough to freak
even Helena out. Tina thinks maybe Helena just doesn't
like Tina's apartment, or needs to be in control all
the time, but I think maybe anybody would feel the
need to be in control when faced with a frenzied postcoital
pregnant Tina.
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