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Helena wakes Tina up and asks how she is. Tina says she's looking forward to the ultrasound, and of course Helena wants to know what time she should pick Tina up. But no, Tina's going with Bette, so Helena has to pretend that's fine and then suggests that Tina come by afterwards. But the ultrasound is close to Tina's apartment, so why doesn't Helena just go by there? Hmm, humm, okay, says Helena the snob.

A photo shoot — Shane doesn't know why she's there. Someone has hired her. The assistant/handler/whomever says, well, "The story's about the most powerful women in Hollywood." Yes, that spells Veronica Bloom, who's screaming at yet another unfortunate lackey.

The Planet — Kit is talking about T.O.E. jam dude again. He's going to arrive tomorrow, check in at the hotel, and then do his thang, which, if I remember right, consists of very bad kissing and flopping on top of the nearest gorgeous woman. Next time Kit should bring a decoy along.

Bette: "So he's not staying with you?"
Kit: "Um..."
Bette: "Because his wife —"
Kit: "Well, it's not like she's gonna find out, but he's just... [seeing Bette's expression] what?"
Bette: "I just — I just don't want you to get hurt."
Kit: "I'm not gonna get hurt. I knew going in what the deal was, and I'm fine with that. Oh, you think I'm a fuck-up, don't you?"
Bette: "No, I do not."
Kit: "Yes you do, yes you do."
Bette: "I don't. I think you're amazing. I see how you've turned your life around, and I'm... really, I'm in awe of how together you are these days. I just know the situation, and no matter what, I mean, there's always someone who gets hurt. And I just don't want it to be you."

But it's okay if it's me? Because, hey, forget the carpenter or Tina or whomever — I'm the one whose heart you're breaking, Bette Porter. And yet not, because I really, really like it when you take pleasure in a holding cell wall or an office fuck or a twink at the bar or whatever the hell turns your rudder.

Kit says Benjamin's not even on tour; he's just there to see her, and Lara is preparing a fab dinner from some hapless Maine lobsters. Why does she say "Lara" like it rhymes with "Sara"? And why can't we see the talented soup chef instead of talking about her?

Bette gets up to go to the ultrasound, and Kit asks for "one of those x-ray pictures of the baby." Yeah, let's get one of those and use it instead of the weird pictures during the theme song — and let's even replace the theme song with the incoherent thrub-thrub of the baby's heartbeat. Please.

Powerful women — Veronica Bloom is kind of in drag, which doesn't displease me. Shane still doesn't know why she's there — she says "Don't fuck with me, Veronica," but Veronica thinks she's just seeing Shane's potential and giving her a chance.

Veronica: "Did I underestimate you, Shane? Or did I just mistake you for a person of substance?"
Shane: "No. I think you mistook me for one of your little tricks who would let you slap her around and be grateful for the privilege of taking your shit."
Veronica: "Are we getting to some core issues, Shane? Poor Shane!"
Shane: "Fuck you."

Ah. Ah hahahahahaha, all around.

But Veronica thinks maybe she's right, that Shane really is "better than this life you're living." Shane gives a speech about not having any mojo or magic or whatever, so Veronica says, "then why don't you do my fucking hair?"

Again I can only say hahaha.

A not-quite-meeting of the minds — Charlotte thinks Jenny is still the right ghost writer for Burr (Tony Goldwyn). Jenny's wearing some sort of spotted faux fur (I do hope it's faux), and Charlotte has already had at least one drink. Drink up, Charlotte! You're going to need it if you're going to spread-eagle Jenny against a wall like I want you to.

Charlotte asks for another drink: "more twist, less ice," and I still bow to the divinity of Sandra. Hey, Leisha, why don't you get Sandra to e-mail me too? Better yet, interview each other and upload it to sho.com. Interview each other in a trailer and then make a music video of it. And make a puppet show and put it on the season 2 DVD extras. Showtime will take whatever they can get, as long as it's devoid of substance.

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