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The Planet — Carmen and Jenny are hangin' with Kit and Bette. Carmen is making some sort of elaborate "thumbs up" motion that I don't understand and Kit is saying "oh... oh really?" and everyone's laughing. Clue me in, dammit! That's not fair.

Alice and Dana show up, all smiles and covered necks.

Jenny: "I haven't seen you guys in a couple days. What have you been doing?"

Everybody already knows the answer to that one, even though Dana and Alice try to deny it. Tina saunters up behind them and says "They've been having sex all weekend."

It should be a funny sweet group scene, but Helena is hot on Tina's heels. Everyone looks uncomfortable, but Bette does the unthinkable and invites Helena and Tina to sit down. Tina obviously appreciates the gesture, which is no doubt what Bette was aiming for.

Jenny: "So, Tina was just saying that Dana and Alice are having sex."
[giggles all around]
Helena: "Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. [taking Tina's hand] They'd be in good company."

Sod off, Helena. Stop mucking up the group dynamic. And I know I shouldn't say this twice in one recap, but Jenny's kinda cute when she titters behind her hand like a twelve-year-old. What's wrong with me??

Bette should be leaping over the table and landing on Helena's throat, but instead she just sits back quietly and lets Alice and Dana continue to protest. Kit's not buying it; she says "lemme see" and peeks under Dana's collar. She pronounces them "busy!" in that great Kit way. So then Carmen unties Alice's scarf to reveal more evidence and says "Working?"

Alice takes the scarf all the way off and they all act like twelve-year-olds. I don't care; it's still funny, and I'm so relieved to finally have some sort of group scene.

Helena — who, of course, doesn't really understand such immature fun — offers Alice her Hermes scarf, "because passion should never cost you respect." That sounds like some sort of crappy perfume or hair color commercial. Alice is, unfortunately, impressed, and everybody else is kind of annoyed and looking to Bette for some sort of cue.

Bette decides she'd better get to work.

Helena: "Why don't you take the morning off?"
Bette: "Well, because it's not really an option for me."
Helena: "Of course it is. You're having breakfast with one of your board members, and we're gonna discuss what we're gonna talk about with Allyn Barnes tonight."
Kit: [conspiratorially and through clenched teeth, to Bette] "You gotta be kiddin'."

Bette explains to everyone that Helena has indeed joined the board at the C.A.C., and still gets up to go.

Suddenly Helena has the brilliant idea of inviting everyone to a spur-of-the-moment housewarming party — what she says is "Tina and I have found a house," but Tina quickly corrects her and says it's Helena's house.

Kit looks like she has a few thoughts on the subject, but we don't get to hear them because Kit has gone back to that season 1 standard of thirty seconds of screen time per episode. Too bad those thirty seconds don't consist of Pam Grier singing a new theme song.

Tina says that Helena's house is the one that was in Architectural Digest. Bette can only say "of course it is." But because she's still taking the high road, she tells Helena that the party sounds nice and maybe she'll go if she's not too tired. Everyone (everyone except Helena, that is) watches Bette go as if they're watching a bomb not explode.

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