The L Word recap: Lágrimas de Oro (season 2, episode 6). (Original airdate: 27 Mar 2005)

THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Flowers: They're everywhere. I may sneeze.
• Reticent: A good thing, if you're Jenny.
• Random lesbians: Shane's hobby.
• Lesbian Stepford wife: Guess. (You're right: Tonya.)
• Pregnant: Hot.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Charles S. Dutton gives a master class in how not to kiss; Sandra Bernhard knows just how to make Jenny less annoying; Melissa Rivers makes the recapper question her sexuality.

The previously: Do you hear that ridiculous pseudo-flamenco version of the theme song that's playing? That's right: any way you slice it, and in every language, it sucks.

The title: Don't ask me. You can read all about it in the Television Without Pity forum, or you can just go with my interpretation, which is "I'm crying because of the theme song, and no amount of gold can quench this torturous fire."

The prelude: Speaking of crappy versions of the theme song, now we've got some breezy bubbly muzak variation playing in the background, as Kit and the T.O.E. jam guy flirt and hint about having an affair. Then they assert their principles, and then they decide to just go ahead and have sex anyway. Charles S. Dutton kisses like... well, like I imagine a TOE might kiss. Stinky and misdirected and about as sensual as the fake smile Pam Grier is wearing. Kit, you had so much more chemistry with Ivan!

At least it looks like the T.O.E. dude is going down on Kit. You know she's thinking of a certain drag king while he does.

The theme song: Okay, I've decided to rewrite the lyrics again. Ready? Here's what you do: as soon as it starts, start screaming. Continue screaming until it's over. See how well that works?

The credits: Directed by Jeremy Podeswa, who knows what he's doing on Carnivale and Six Feet Under — and who highlighted Mary Louise Parker's brilliance in The Five Senses. Don't worry, I'm sure the writing will destroy whatever good stuff he might try to do. Well, maybe not: Guin Turner is a bit better with her quill than certain other writer-producer-director-diva-crazies involved with this show. Ahem.

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