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Relatively human — Shane, Veronica, and some random guy talk to the woman whose life story will supposedly make a great film. The woman, Priscilla, used to be a prostitute, and the Russian mob messed up her face, and she stared them down when they messed with her daughter. So, a great film for the Lifetime network, perhaps? Call it something like Mother, Do You Sleep With Russian Mob Danger? and put Melissa Gilbert in it. Instant classic.

Helena at the Headquarters — Did you see Tina's reaction when Helena walked in? Yeah, she actually swallowed hard. I didn't like Helena last week, but I get why Tina might like her — she's doing a milder version of the Bette strut as she walks over. She tells Tina that the grant proposal brought tears to her eyes, and asks for the grand tour of the headquarters. Tina's co-workers give each other a look that says "Mm hmm, that ain't the only grand tour she's interested in." I'm surprised the poltergeist didn't actually say so out loud.

The recapper's birthday present — Today is my birthday. Yes, really. This next scene is my present.

Dana's place — Alice and Dana are preparing gift bags for the bachelorette party. They're also flirting, as usual; this time it's taking the form of a game of "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

Dana: "I thought you had great tits."
Alice: "You noticed my tits?"
Dana: "Right away. Oh, come on, they were like, 'Hello there!'"
Alice: "They were talkin' to you? I mean, that's creepy."
Dana: "A whole conversation."
Alice: [giggling] "Okay."
Dana: "So how 'bout you with me?"
Alice: "Umm... I thought you were a hottie."
Dana: "Get out."
Alice: "I did."
Dana: [snorting] [growing serious] [looking Alice in the eye] "Did you really?"
Alice: "Yeah. Really."

The caption says [laughing nervously], and that's about right. Then Dana gets up on her knees (they've been sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch) and starts to sort through the gift bags. She leans forward so that she's on all fours, and Alice can't help but look at the ass that is right in front of her.

Alice: "Dana?"
Dana: [pausing] "Yeah?"
Alice: "You have a really nice ass."

And then Alice finally grabs that ass. Did I say "finally"? 'Cause that's the song we get — CeCe Peniston's "Finally" — as Dana and Alice attack each other.

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