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I
couldn't hate this more — Mark is interviewing
Shane and Jenny. The look on Shane's face is like
the ones Beavis and Butthead used to get when a sucky
video came on. Mark wants to know what the primary
sex act is for lesbians, and by that, he means whatever
act parallels the "fucking" that straight
couples do.
Jenny:
"And what makes you think that lesbians
don't fuck?"
Mark
says this is impossible, of course, which pisses Shane
off. She says, "Where do you live, Mark? It's
entirely possible." He lives in your studio,
Shane. And even those of us who live in the lonely
Midwest know about the possibilities of fucking.
Glowing
— Tina is listening to NPR and eating dinner.
Bette comes in, looking stunning as usual, and Tina
seems uncertain. Bette offers a quiet "hey."
Tina says she made too much food — yeah, right
— so of course Bette can have some. Tina, it's
really okay to have the candles lit and the dinner
ready when Bette gets home. I think it might be a
natural instinct for 4 out of 5 women (gay or otherwise).
Bette:
"You look really great. You're kind of...
glowing."
And
oh, the moment aches, and it's such a perfect opportunity
for things to start to get better, but then Bette
charges right into alpha mode and starts fuming about
Helena Peabody. She doesn't even hear Tina start to
tell her that important thing that was supposed to
be the focus of the evening.
In
case you haven't noticed, I adore Bette. But launching
into the laments of your day when your estranged,
suspiciously larger lover is waiting in candlelight
to talk to you about something — well, that's
about as sensitive as a Ton-Ton in a sex toy shop.
Wake up, Ms. Porter.
Bedtime
— Did I say wake up? I meant sweet dreams —
which is what I'll have after seeing Bette's dazzling
smile and jaw-dropping tank top. She's popping her
head into the guest room to tell Tina good night,
and to apologize for being so distracted at dinner.
In a quiet, sweet voice, she says she hopes that Tina
will feel like talking to her tomorrow, and Tina says
she thinks maybe she will. I will never think of Tina
as passive again: she must have the strength of a
thousand superheroes if she can resist Bette looking
that good and trying that hard. Yeah, and even so,
it gets to her too: she exhales audibly after Bette
leaves. Outside the door, Bette pauses, grinning.
I cannot cope with this!
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