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Alice happens to walk by Tonya at just the wrong time, and gets roped into giving a toast. It just about wrecks me.

Alice: "Umm... uh... uh... con... congratulations, you two. Uh... sorry, I'm a little... I've known Dana a long time, and um... I guess like most things that are right in front of your eyes, you don't see just how wonderful they are until they're gone. Um... Tonya... um.... you are the luckiest woman on Earth. To my friend... what can I say? Um... congratulations. I love you, so... okay.

Dana looks like she's just lost Mr. Piddles all over again. But she also looks a little... resolved, kinda — or so I can hope.

Ah, nice. Etta Jones sings "Don't Go to Strangers" as Jenny and Carmen twirl around and Shane slams shots. Shane, you fraggly fool!

Tina and Helena are also cutting a rug, and pissing me off, because Tina's not supposed to smile like that for anybody but Bette. And Tonya and Dana are dancing in a very snuggly way too, unfortunately.

Alice and Bette watch forlornly. Alice suggests they leave and quit torturing themselves, but Bette has to do something. I'm not quite sure why she thinks it's okay to interrupt Etta Jones to do it, but she does. She offers this toast:

Bette: "Dana, Tonya... I lift my glass to caring, and kindness and trust, and longevity and... respect... to all the things that you'll need to keep your love alive. I wish you... happiness. And I hope that you forever spare each other pain. And if you find that isn't possible, then I wish you forgiveness."

Wow. That was beautiful. And Tina knows it, as she watches Bette go and forgets all about Helena, who's pawing at her.

Something happens with Shane and a random girl and a bed and the hidden cameras, but I'm not recapping that crap — and I especially refuse to let it ruin my birthday.

NEXT WEEK ON THE L WORD: Helena moves in for the kill; Bette warns Tina about Helena's vampiric ways; Alice asks Dana to leave Tonya; Kit falls for the T.O.E. jam dude; Sandra's back.

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