Make that three — Silly me: I forgot about that other person I hate — Tonya. But she's been making me laugh lately. Anyway, she and Dana, along with Alice and some scruffy guy, are riding the rides at the Santa Monica pier. I'm not happy with Alice's dress, but Dana's more concerned about the way Alice is flirting with the guy, whose name is Chris. So as Tonya and Chris go off to ride the ferris wheel, Dana confronts Alice, or sort of whines at her. Alice finally says, "What do you want from me? What do you want?" And Dana does what we've all been waiting for: she simply kisses Alice, but not in a hungry way this time. It's a sincere, simple, falling-in-love sort of kiss. Or at least that's what I think it's supposed to be. The kisses just aren't as good when Leisha is not in control.

Peggy Peabody's den of iniquity — Now here's someone who knows what "sybaritic" means — and no doubt knows how to pronounce it, too. Peggy Peabody and her boy toy are getting massages while Bette pleads with Peggy to talk some sense into Helena. Peggy's just not concerned, because she only has eyes for Nikolas the boy toy. They smooch, and it's almost as slurpy and gross as the way The Nauseator was eating sushi. It's also much funnier. Bette tries to be sweet, but is feeling as uncomfortable as I am. She asks Peggy again to talk to Helena about the C.A.C., but Peggy just tells her to "have faith" — and then smooches with her boy toy some more, because that's supposed to somehow give Bette "faith." I think it might have just given her acid reflux instead.

Bette decides to drown her sorrows at Starlight, but she orders an Absolut martini, which I find hard to believe. Surely Bette would go for something more along the lines of Grey Goose or Ketel One, or even Effen. Anyway, forget the martini: it can't be half as intoxicating as the way Bette is on the prowl, scoping out the place for the most suitable prey. She locks eyes with a pretty young thing. Yow: if she trained that look on me, I'd get all flustered and run out screaming.

After a bit more liquid courage, Bette saunters over to her target, taking off her jacket on the way. The PYT just stares and waits, and when Bette says, "Do you wanna dance?" my jaw literally drops. How can anybody be that hot? As they dance, I get all flustered and run out of the room screaming. No, I just watch, and drool, and rewind. Many times.

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