The Big Bette Apple — And here we are, watching Bette get out of a cab, and bark on her cell. She's talking to James about the Helena Peabody meeting, but the really important thing is that the Lisa Cholodenko director credit is on my screen. Have I mentioned that I love her? No? Well, the TWoPers have professed their undying affection. And I have too — High Art is exquisite and intimate and raw, and Laurel Canyon is sorta bigger (and funnier) than it meant to be — but what I really dig is Dinner Party, which summarizes all of the L Word drama in a mercifully short, well-crafted, pithy little film. Sundance or IFC or whatever runs it now and then: catch it if you can.

Roommate hell — Shane and Jenny are interviewing potential roommates. The first is a budding starlet who probably isn't really "budding" anytime soon. It goes on too long, in a Saturday Night Live sort of way. After they show her the door, Shane and Jenny agree on some ear-tugging and nose-scratching signals for cutting the interviews short. Is it me, or is Jenny way more likeable when she's hanging out with Shane? I'm not quite sure what that means. Confused, I am.

The Porter Palace — Tina and Joyce are inventorying the place while Bette is out of town. Joyce is wearing a tie again — and as a friend of mine pointed out last week, it's not the tie that's the problem, it's the fact that it's an ugly tie. Next time, just throw up down the front of your shirt. Same effect for less money. I can do it for you, because you kinda make me feel sick.

Joyce pauses in front of a painting of a woman who's naked except for hmm, bejeweled or be-candied bikini bottoms (edible underwear?). The woman looks too young and kind of... well, let's just say "ready." The artist is Lisa Yuskavage, and the piece is featured on the cover of her book of small paintings. Joyce seems to think it's ugly or distasteful — you should talk, Ugly Tie, considering that velcro uterus thing you have on your office wall.

As Joyce walks off, muttering about community property, Tina gazes at the Yuskavage painting. Suddenly, the poltergeist says "Tina Tina Tina Tina." Tina looks down, as if she's ashamed to be associated with anyone who thinks that poltergeisty voiceovers are clever.

In the backyard, Tina and The Nauseator talk about the pricey palm trees and a Nepalese statue. Joyce says annoying things and calls Tina "darlin'."

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