THIS WEEK'S L WORD VOCABULARY:

• Lisa: Brilliant. But you can't tell that from this episode. No, I'm not talking about Lisa the Guy — I mean Lisa Cholodenko, the director.
• Poltergeist: A breathy weird babbling thing that makes random noises at inappropriate times. See below.
• Mark: Irritating, if he weren't so mind-numbingly stereotypical.
• Joyce the Lacerating Lawyer: Hereinafter The Nauseator.
• Bette: I have no words for her hotness — "L" words or otherwise.

THIS WEEK'S GUEST-BIANS: Jane Lynch makes me lose my lunch; Camryn Manheim out-cools Shane; Holland Taylor brings the comedy and more nausea; Charles S. Dutton moves in on the recapper's territory.

The previously — Didja hear those bongos? They had "Betty" written all over them.

New York City — Present Day — Something's grunting. Yeah, there's a regular scene going on, with a therapist saying she's in session for the next 45 minutes, and a rather attractive woman sitting patiently, presumably waiting for her session to begin. But what is that grunting and sighing and moaning? It's like a poltergeist or something, making noises on cue. Maybe the lights will dim and the table will start shaking.

Okay, let me try harder. The scene ends up going something like this: there's a client, and a therapist, and they <poltergeist grunt> are talking about their desire for <poltergeist sigh> each other, and how they shouldn't <poltergeist moan> act on it, and how they can't really <poltergeist sigh> help it, and how, dammit, just shut up <poltergeist grunt> and kiss me and let's get on <poltergeist moan> with it.

The client, who's really the one in charge, is foxy. The therapist, unfortunately, is not. I have a way sexy therapist, actually — call me, Ilene, and I'll set up a meeting.

Also, I'm trying to ignore the vague Claire of the Moon reference. But the Nordstrom-like piano is not helping, because that crap was all over Claire.

The theme song — I've set myself free. I'm muting without a second thought. This is the way, it's the way that I watch! Muting laughing yawning waiting muting muting snacking staring...

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