Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 - Next

That theme song again — Arrrggh. I'm just done with this. Here's an idea for next season: take the cast to a karaoke bar and film them. Instead of a theme song, play a different karaoke delight each week. Believe me, no matter how bad they are or how many Air Supply songs they sing, it will be better than this. It's so... eager. "This is the way, it's the way that we sing, it's the way that we siiiiiiiiing... and suck!"

The table of despair — Bette and Tina and their lawyers are meeting. Well, it's more like Joyce Wischnia is holding forth and holding everyone hostage. (PlanetOut has an article about the many ways in which this is all ridiculous from a legal perspective, but I'm not worried about that, because if these people can fail to realize how pregnant Tina is, there's probably no hope for the rule of law anyway. Or even the rules of physics.)

Bette's lawyer (Bert) offers to cover Tina's living expenses, plus a $10,000 stipend, but Joyce says that's a temporary arrangement, and she and Tina are there to talk final separation. Okay, so can I take the other offer? Because in my world, $10,000 is nothing to sneeze at.

As Joyce — who is wearing a tie, for fuck's sake — continues to bluster, Bette gets down on her knees and begs:

Bette: "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I am. Please don't do this to us. This is not who we are. Tina... we can fix this. Okay? We can fix this. Tina, do you still love me? Do you still love me? Don't do this. Don't destroy us."

I still love you! I don't want to destroy us! Oh. Oops. Excuse me.

Joyce interrupts (shock) and points out that it wasn't Tina who destroyed the relationship. I'm too busy watching Bette caress Tina's arm, because I still kinda like them together. But I also kinda like it when Joyce tells Bette that "this moment isn't about you." Silly Joyce! Everything is about Bette!

Joyce asks Tina what she wants, and Tina mumbles that things need to be different. Okay, good, then speak up, and show us your belly again, and own your own damn life, because this is getting tiresome. Joyce thinks so too, so she says they should reschedule the meeting "for a time when everyone is feeling a little less dramatic." Oh, you mean for a time when everyone's feeling a little less lesbian? 'Cause, well. You're the one wearing the tie, Joyce: don't think you don't bring your own drama to the table.

Tina looks confused and shaken. Bette looks like each of her legs weighs 10,000 pounds, or $10,000.

Page 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 - Next