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A
sidewalk — It turns out Alice recommended
the lacerator, otherwise known as Joyce Wischnia,
to Tina. Shane is not impressed with the whole thing:
she says Bette and Tina don't need that lawyer crap
(and who does, really?). Alice says she was thinking
about Tina, not Bette; but Shane says that what Tina
really needs is a lap dance. Okay — as long as
it doesn't involve ping pong balls. Or velcro.
And
here they are, at the door of The Planet. Which is
closed. Don't panic!
Back
in the lacerator's lair — Joyce Wischnia
(by the way, is Jane Lynch's voice usually that deep?)
tells Tina that she's shit in the eyes of the law,
because she's given up her autonomy in a relationship
the law doesn't recognize. Tina starts to defend Bette's
sense of fairness — which, frankly, is something
I wholeheartedly believe in — but Joyce is not
there to be fair. No, she's there to smoke a pipe
(yes, a pipe), until Tina says she'd really
rather there were no smoking, never mind why please
don't notice the shifting she's doing and the way
she's trying to cover her ginormous belly with her
tiny fashionable purse.
The
lacerator asks some questions about giving up careers
and making homes and cooking and decorating and whether
there were wombs available for making babies. Yes,
she noticed the shifting and the belly, but Tina says
nobody's supposed to know even though her face
looks entirely different. Yeah, I can't get over
it — you'd have to be fucking blind not to notice.
Speaking of fucking, the lacerator wants to know whether
Tina is angry that Bette "spread her legs for
another woman." Tina says "fuck, yes"
and that she doesn't know whether or not she wants
to get back together with Bette, and that she wants
her autonomy. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
There's
no X in espresso — Shane is trying to
order coffee at a place (the Nirvana Bean) that's
not The Planet and is therefore all wrong. She foolishly
puts an "X" in espresso, but I forgive her
when this happens:
Coffee
guy: "Okay, any flavoring?"
Shane: "What, in my coffee?
[turning to Alice] What the fuck is he
talking about, with the flavoring?"
I
hear ya, Shane. But the best part is the way Alice
manages to look both impatient and sympathetic at
the same time.
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