This week, we find ourselves visiting the King High Girl’s Locker Room.  Before you get a) overly excited or b) paralyzed by your own memories of high school cruelty, calm down and note that this is practically a public service announcement about homophobia.  So pay attention!

The cheerbreeders are suiting up for a game, and Ashley is trying to get into her gym locker.

Madison: “Cover up ladies, Ashley might get turned on.”

Ashley: “Trust me Madison, there’s no chance of that.”

Madison’s spritzhead sidekick (who looks like the K-mart version of Halle Berry) whines, “It’s not fair that we have to get naked with her”

Madison: “They ought to have one locker room for girls, one for boys, and one marked ‘other.’”

Spencer comes in and stands with Ashley.

Madison: “Ooh, it’s her girlfriend”

Spencer: “Madison, give it a rest.”

Spritzhead Sidekick: “Oh—she must be the butch one in the relationship.”

(Stupid straight girl, everyone knows that the mouthy one is always the femme. Femmes are the bite, scratch and kick girls.)

Uniformed as it is, the little comment sets Ashley off. You can mess with her, but don’t mess with her girl. She lunges for the nitwit but Madison steps between them and Spencer pulls her little tiger back and reminds her, “It’s not worth it.”  Ashley concedes, “You’re right. She’s just jealous.” 

Madison can’t fathom this, so Ashley breaks it down for her. “It must be really hard to accept the fact that your ex prefers lesbians.”

Reason #581 to love Ashley:  She refers to herself as a “lesbian.”  How many lesbians actually do that in high school?

“I dumped him, estupida,” Madison sneers. Ashley gets in her face. “Really?  That’s not what the rest of the school thinks. And you’d better watch out, because I think Glen’s even cuter than Aiden.” 

You know, this technique of calling yourself out as a dyke and then threatening to steal someone’s boyfriend is very 21^st century. I’m not sure if I get it, but I’m going to go along for the ride anyway.

But Madison isn’t. She hauls off and slaps the snot out of Ashley, and this launches a full blown Girl Fight. And it’s a good one. Ashley is throwing Madison against the lockers, Madison is pulling Ashley’s hair, random girls wearing only towels are looking on. It’s chaos.  Spencer and Madison’s minion pull them apart. 

Madison parts with “Mess with me again and you’ll so regret it.”

Ashley tells her, “Oh really? What’s gonna happen? Are we gonna have a rumble, chica?”

Ashley is particularly cute when she’s defending Spencer’s honor.

In the fray, the contents of Ashley’s purse are scattered about the locker room.  She collects all but her cel phone, which landed in a corner.  And this can’t be good.