In the olden days, I would dread the month of January and going back to school after a long winter break.  But that was when I was actually in school and not just a sad grown-up sucked into a teen TV world and a TV teen romance that can only progress during the regular TV school year.  So get your asses back to class, brats!  I need a Spashley fix!

Back to school it is. It’s a sunny day at King High, and Aiden is shooting his first gay porn video!

Ok not really, but that’s what it looks like.  Suds are flying and Aiden is posing shirtless, flexing his muscles and pointing to his crotch.  Despite what it looks like, it’s just a carwash fundraiser for the King High athletes.

Ashley and Spence are watching this spectacle and Ash wants to make it clear that she is not “supporting the activities of the cheerbreeders or the ‘straps.’  I just like watching them bust their butts detailing my car.”

Aiden, who has put his clothes back on, sleazes over to the girls to ask, “What’ll it be?  Wash and wax? Clean your leather? (leering) Shine your rims?” (Um, Aiden, “rim” references are not going to help when you already look like you just walked off the set of a Chi Chi LaRue production!)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chi_Chi_LaRue

Ash isn’t having it. “Is that code for something? ‘Cause I already told you, you’re not my type anymore.”  Spencer is looking on, smiling as her future girlfriend smacks down Mr. Ab-Master. Although you can’t really blame dumb Aiden for being confused.  Ashley did have her tongue down his throat last week. 

And speaking of their recent dalliance, Aiden wants to know if they are all “ok” from last weekend. 

Hey! What about us? Are we “ok” after that last episode? After getting teased within an inch of our lives only to get an almost-kiss from Spencer and Ashley and then going on an endless holiday hiatus? What about our rims?

Aiden admits that he “got stupid and messed things up” (true). But Spencer tells him that he didn’t “mess” things up as much as he “cleared” things up. Then she and Ashley smile blissfully at each other. 

Who are these calm, drama-free teenagers?  Is Spencer “clear” on her desire for Ashley, or she “clear” on her aim to be straight? Now I need some clarity!

Head cheer-bitch Madison interrupts with a terse, “What are you doing here?” to Ashley.  Step-off, biatch! It’s school property, k?

Ashley tells her, “I was here for the wet t-shirt contest, but I have to say that I’m sooo disappointed.”  Madison sneers and shoots her some eye-daggers.  Ya know, if it weren’t for the whole Spencer issue, I would say that there is some “tension” between Ash and Madison. Or maybe it’s just me. I have a weakness for those hot and hateful girls like Madison.

Madison makes a low blow—referencing Ashley’s parents and how little they’re involved in her life. It’s a sore spot for Ashley, and she tells Spencer she hates that Madison knows anything about her.  She adds, “that’s why I like new friends. You can re-invent yourself…start fresh.” 

Um…red flag?  Spencer thinks so too, “Does this mean, you’re just going to kick me to the curb because I know too much?”