Okay, I’m so obsessed with this g.d. show that I went to the South of Nowhere website this week and took their personality quiz, “Which Character on South of Nowhere Are You?”

I would have been happy just to not get pegged as “Gertrude, Spinster Gym Teacher at King High.”  But I really hit the jackpot because I tested as Ashley! The official description of me/Ashley: “Your life is full of drama, but you find a way to deal.” 

Oh my god, this test is uncanny!

Enough about me. Let’s get to our favorite teens. Spencer (IM name: “ohio_qte”)  is instant messaging “sportygrrll.”  Sporty writes, “My parents went ballistic when I told them.”  Spencer writes, “I’m worried about that too.”  Sporty counters, “So you better be sure!!!!!!”  Something tells me that the topic may not be their cell phone bills. 

Spencer writes, “How did you know you were?”  And just when things are about to get good, Mother Superior calls her down for breakfast.  Spencer wisely runs to shut her door before coming back to the laptop confessional. Then a new message pops up from “ashrocksit” (guess who!) who writes, “Look out your window.” 

Yes, it’s our little Romeo Ashley. She’s come to fetch Spencer for the purpose of truancy. Spencer protests but inevitably caves in, less to peer pressure that Ashley’s wiles. Can you blame her?

Mother Superior nearly blows an artery when she finds out that Spencer is getting a ride “to school” from that lesbionic hellion, Ashley.  Spencer ignores her heavy disapproval vibe and bolts for the door.

Soon Ashley and Spencer are slogging their way through rush hour traffic on their way to the beach.  Spencer is trying to be as laid back about cutting as Ashley, but she’s obsessed with getting caught. “We’re gonna get SO busted.” 

Apparently Ashley already has some priors, “We’d better not. I’ll get suspended if I get caught again.”  Spencer suggests that they go back, but Ashley suggests the just don’t get caught.  And to ensure that they don’t get caught, she shows Spencer a forged note asking for Ashley to be excused from class because she has an “appointment with_____?”

Ashley explains, “I see so many, I’m not sure which one to put. ‘Her shrink, her gynecologist, her hypnotist’…” 

Spencer is astounded by Ashley’s criminal prowess, “You signed your mother’s name?!?!?”  (Come ON Spencer!  Didn’t kids ever cut classes in Ohio? Ooh, maybe that’s considered a capital offense in a red state.)  Ashley explains that she takes advantage of the whole neglectful parents/broken home thing by claiming to be with one parent if the other comes looking for her.

Spencer admits that she always “feels a little funny” lying to her parents. Ashley says gravely, “Sometimes you have to lie to live. Sometimes you don’t.”  Uh, are we still talking about skipping school?