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Clay
and Chelsea exchange some flirty G-rated text
messages while Glenn is recalling his sexual conquests
for Ashley’s film. But because he is such an incredibly
potent sex god, he can’t seem to remember which faceless
piece of tail which was his first! Ashley (looking
more than a little butch in her sleeveless t-shirt)
says with disgust, “I’m so glad that I don’t have to
deal with guys like you anymore!” and leaves him alone
with his vile thoughts.
Back
at the Carlin homestead, Aiden and Spencer are instant
messaging each other. He tells her that he “caved”
and has agreed to talk to Ashley about her film. Why
does Aiden think Spencer will care? It’s not like she
likes him. In fact, she responds with “U R braver
than me,” not “Please don’t Aiden, I want that romantic
information about you to be kept private, between us.”
He needs to get over himself.
Glenn
barges into Spencer’s room and bullies her about using
her computer. He’s taking it over because his computer
is down -- due to viruses he caught from downloading
porn! (Oh the symbolism!) She warns him against downloading
it on her computer, telling him “I don’t want to come
in and read my email and be looking at some girl’s giant
circus boobs!” Oh no? How about Ashley’s tender flesh?
Because that’s what Glenn inadvertently downloads when
he’s checking his email – a nude photograph of Ashley.
Glenn,
that lout, can’t tell Madison about nude Ashley-mail
fast enough. She says with disgust, “That girl’s a
freak.” Right, as if Ashley is the one who sent pig
Glenn nude pictures of herself.
Ashley
is still blissfully unaware of her new pin-up status.
She’s harassing Aiden about getting his story on tape.
Spencer can’t get away fast enough, saying “I do not
want to see this.” Ashley tells her that she’ll see
it in the finished product anyway. Spencer says, “Maybe
I just want to keep the mystery alive” and walks away.
Aiden clearly thinks that it’s HIS particular mystery
that Spencer’s interested in. Meanwhile, notice that
Ashley is checking Spencer out as she walks away.
I
don’t think that Aiden’s first time story – about being
the sex toy/pool boy for a young Bel Air trophy wife
(“Mrs. Marsh”) -- is true. I think he ripped it off
of Desperate Housewives. In fact, if he tells
Ashley that Mrs. Marsh’s mother-in-law died after being
in a coma and that Mr. Marsh went to prison for embezzlement,
I’m going to insist that Ashley dump his footage.
The
Miseducation of Clay Carlin continues across
campus with Glenn telling his brother to “man up” and
take sweet Chelsea to a hotel for sex. Clay says, “I
just want to get to know her and have a good time.”
Then Ashley springs on poor Clay and demands his “first
time” story for the film.
Clay
is (unrealistically) open and earnest when he tells
her and his siblings, “There’s nothing to tell. It hasn’t
happened yet. I’m a virgin.” Ashley can only say, “cut”
– which is budding director-speak for “Dude, you’re
going to be branded a nerd for the rest of you career
here at King High.”
Fresh
off of the massive letdown with Clay, Ashley continues
to hound Spencer for her story. Perhaps in an effort
to encourage others to “expose” themselves to her, Ashley
is now wearing a skimpy, washcloth-sized outfit herself.
If this were a real school, I think she’d be sent home
for near-nudity. I love King High!
Spencer
tells her, “I don’t think it’s right to document everything
we do. Maybe it’s the privacy and intimacy that keeps
special moments special.” Ashley counters, “No, you’re
special. That’s why I love you.” Is Ashley trying
to induce a first time with these lines?
Boorish
Aiden interrupts them, with characteristic lousy timing,
and spills the beans about Ashley’s nude celebrity status.
Ashley looks around to see EVERYONE at the school checking
out her picture on their laptops and camera phones.
But being the little spitfire that she is, she embraces
the scandal and shouts, “Yeah, that’s right. It’s me!
Are we all happy?” as the other students whoop and whistle.
