Rebellious rich girl Ashley has a brand new toy, a shiny new video camera used for shooting a documentary.  Don’t worry, she won’t be tormenting us with dour After School Special-styled teen pregnancy or angel dust tragedies. It’s Ashley, y’all, so her film is going to be edgy and hot!  Her topic:  Sex.  She’s jamming the camera into all her friends’ faces and asking them to tell her all about their first time.

Of course she starts by quizzing Spencer.  My theory is that Ashley made up this whole documentary idea because it’s a safe way to initiate a sexual dialogue between them.  (Wish I had thought of something so crafty back in the day!)  And if Spencer will just “put out” in the beginning of the episode, maybe we’ll be spared hearing Aiden and Glenn brag into Ashley’s camera about their sleazy sexcapades.

But that’s not like our Spencer, is it?  She tells Ashley, “No way! On tape?  Not gonna happen.” (Notice that she leaves the door open for it to “happen” off tape.)  Maybe she just needs some time to think it over.  And Ashley is very persuasive, so I’ll bet she can wear Spencer down.

Across campus, Clay and hottie Chelsea are discussing his perfect score on a physics test. Chelsea is so proud of him that she wants to help him “celebrate” his success.  Clay is modest about his accomplishment, and is surprised and nervous when she makes it clear that their celebration could be of a romantic nature. 

While the other Carlin kids were going to movies, playing with other kids and surfing forbidden internet sites, what happened to Clay?  Was Mother Superior (their strict Catholic mom) keeping him locked in his bedroom with a calculator and Bible stories?  Why is Clay such a huge dork?

Back on the cool side of campus, Aiden, Spencer and Ashley are still debating the subject of the sex documentary.  Spencer is worried that the tape could wind up in the wrong hands.  Ashley tells her, “I’m not Paris!  And you guys do know that by denying me artistic expression could send me down a path of self destruction.” (See? I told you, she’s persuasive.) 

But they won’t budge, so she turns to Madison.  Ashley tells her that she’s making a film and needs someone with “star quality.”  Madison is easily flattered and immediately begins preening and posing like Anna Nicole Smith at a Trimspa convention.  When Ashley zooms in for a close-up and says, “Tell us about your first time having sex.”  Madison goes from model-actress to murderous harpy in seconds.  Ashley teases her, “What’s wrong? Is it that long ago that you can’t remember?”  

I love that Ashley is such a little badass with the head cheerbitch.  Ever notice how often she tangles with Madison when Spencer is around to watch?  Show off!

Meanwhile, bonehead Glenn is giving Clay terrible advice about women.  I wouldn’t want to hang out with either of these guys, but I’d take Clay over Glenn anytime.  Glenn’s stud act is tedious, and now he wants to inflict it on his brother.  In preparing Clay for a potential date with Chelsea, he tells him, “You just go right up to her and say, ‘Hey Sexy, want to go out Friday night?’”  Clay, who at 17 has never even dated (maybe he’s gay too?), asks Glenn, “But what if the girl says ‘no.’” Glenn can’t help him with that one.  Seems he’s never been rejected before.

Ok, I’m going to call bullshit on that, if for no other reason than his hairdo.  Sure, he’s got that curly blonde mop under control now, but I’ll bet his middle-school pictures looked like Screech on Saved by the Bell.