In the first of a two-part episode, we find our heroines reapplying their make-up in the girls’ bathroom at school. Only Spence can’t find her lip gloss. She tells Ash, “My mom’s been going through my make-up and jewelry lately. She’s going through this ‘I want to be young and sexy’ stage.” 

Ash asks, “Is she buying lingerie too?” Spencer says, “Yup. We were at the mall yesterday and she spent crazy money.” Ashley suggests that Spence’s mom might be having an affair, but Spencer can’t imagine it. But Ashley’s too smart to completely relent on this one, and says that maybe her mom is planning one.

Ash offers Spence some lip gloss, “Just a hint of pink. It won’t leave a traceable color on someone who may not be wearing your shade.”  This cuts a new groove in Spencer’s brain. “Hey, I never thought about that. Two girls, two shades of lipstick.”

So Ashley imparts her Daily Lesbo Lesson. “If you’re planning on kissing another girl, you may want a clear gloss you know, with like an aloe or some kind of moisturizing balm.”  The Queer-Eye boys would be so proud.

Spencer flirts, “I have so much to learn.”  Ashley agrees, “Lucky you have me.  Hey, that looks really good on you. Almost as good as it looks on me.”

Spencer plays along.  “Aww, now you have me wearing your shade. How convenient, in case we end up in some spontaneous lip-lock.”  Ashley deadpans, “Trust me, it won’t be spontaneous.”

The girls exit and Madison and her flunky emerge from their hell-portals (which are disguised to look like mere toilet stalls) and exchange evil smiles.  That little bit of overheard innuendo should satiate them through at least 4^th period.

Madison sneers, “It’s official. Spencer and the freak are sleeping together.”  Her crummy little toady replies, “I don’t know, it sounded like foreplay to me.” Madison insists, “Then it’s only a matter of time. But they are SO a couple.”

Someone has implanted a rebellious thinking chip in the flunky’s brain since last week. She counters, “Who cares? At least they’re out of the competition pool. More male cutlets for us.”  Madison insists, “Yeah, but I wonder if Glen knows. I think I have a responsibility to tell him. I mean, he’s Catholic like me. If his sister is gay that is totally going to mess him up.”

The flunky’s hard-drive stubbornly continues to whir. “I don’t mean to play the hypocrite card, but if you’re Catholic then why are you having sex before marriage? Isn’t that against the rules?”  For some reason, Madison has not yet bitch-slapped her for being insubordinate.  She explains, “Yeah but there are some things way worse than others. Gay sex, you’re going to hell forever. Pre-marital sex, hmmm, just a sin. Hit confession and it’s forgiven.”

The flunky dances with death once more and replies, “It seems like you’re just interpreting the Catholic stuff so you can do what you want.” Madison agrees, “Everybody does.” They do some synchronized hair flipping and sashay out of the room.

Meanwhile, Clay tells Chelsea and Sean that he has tracked down his birth mother. She’s a waitress living in Nevada, and she wants to meet him. Chelsea, continuing to fulfill her role as the cutest and sweetest girlfriend on the planet, is thrilled and encourages Clay to meet her.  Sean (whose love of indie film, cynical mind and ability to politicize every exchange make him an excellent candidate for grad school) reminds them both that real family “are the people who are there for you day in and day out. There are no rules as to what a family looks like these days. It’s like blood only matters if you need a donor.” 

Clay admits that he hasn’t told his adoptive parents that he’s found his biological mother yet. Maybe he can tell them on the same night that Spencer comes out to them—then they can sort of soften the blow for each other. Tag-team parental disappointment!