THIS WEEK'S EPITAPHS:

• We dig a mass grave for all the dying relationships.
• We clear a sunny space for all the burgeoning relationships.

Joan Morrison (1939-2004) — A woman and man are in a hospital or clinic. She says she's scared; he tells her everything's gonna be fine. But when we see her lumpy belly, we know that nothing is going to be fine. The woman says she just wasn't worried about it, despite the vomiting and other symptoms. The doctor tells her she may have two tumors that have metastasized and spread, and we know from the look on his face that "you may" means "you definitely do." That's sad. And kinda icky, which is an extremely insensitive thing to say — sorry.

A table — Claire is staring at a picture of Edie. She took it while they were rolling on the grass — well, not actually when they were rolling, but you know what I mean. In the photograph, Edie has this almost feral look on her face, but also a sort of playfulness and sweetness. But I'm not Brooke Smith the art teacher, so I won't pretend to know why it's such a great photo.

Claire is grinning goofily again. When David comes in — oh, we're in David and Keith's kitchen, not the Fishers' — anyway, when David comes in, Claire hides the photo under a magazine. Don't be shy about it, Claire: it's nice to be giddy!

David tells Claire she doesn't need to stay with him anymore because he's feeling better, but then he shakes as he tries to drink his coffee. David, are you even in therapy? Or are you ignoring the metaphorical tumors that are metastasizing in your poor psyche?

Never mind: look at that cool breakfast nook! If I lived there, I'd have to eat breakfast several times a day just to enjoy that nook.

David: "Did you hear those two cats having sex in the alley last night?"
Claire: "They were worse than Mom and George."
David: "I don't know why they do it. It sounds like it's so painful."
Claire: "I mean, they live in an alley. They deserve some kind of diversion, don't you think?"

Rico's ho's house — I still can't watch this without putting myself in danger of chewing through my own tongue in frustration and disgust.

The Fisher residence — Ruth is dusting George's rocks. No, not like that! She suddenly imagines she sees George's exes — or more correctly, their heads — in jars, staring at her from that piece of furniture she was dusting (I don't know fancy furniture-related nouns). The exes tell her she's a fool and they cackle at her; she starts to freak out and eventually buries her face in the feather duster. Wow, that would totally make me sneeze.

That scene was as weird as it sounds, but kinda funny too. I don't know, Ruth: if talking heads in jars aren't enough to convince you to kick George to the curb, what is?

Fisher & Diaz — Rico is trying to talk to Mr. Morrison, but Mrs. Morrison denied her mortality every step of the way, so there are no clear plans for her funeral. Nate shows up, late, and then he and Rico stand by awkwardly while Mr. Morrison and his son realize they have no idea what to do for poor Joan. The son asks Mr. Morrison what he wants; he says he wants his wife back. The son says "If you guys hadn't been so scared about facing the truth, maybe mom would be alive." Sad. And icky.

Rico explains the whole situation to Nate as they go downstairs.

Nate: "Man, I don't understand people."
Rico: "I get it. Having to admit fucked-up shit about yourself fuckin' sucks."

Oh, right, Rico. Having to watch you do your fucked-up shit fuckin' sucks, so shut the fuck up.

The basement is full of bottles and things: David has been cleaning again. Nate says that's just the way it is. Rico's tired of David and Nate just coming and going whenever they feel like it. So he asks David to go pick up the body, but Nate reminds him that David can't take the van out anymore. Hey, Nate, will you do me a favor? Just punch Rico. Hard. Now do it again!

So Rico agrees to go pick up the body: it's such a burden for him because while he's out, he'll have to stop by Sophia's house to drop off a book for her kid. Maybe when the van comes back to Fisher & Diaz, Rico will be the body in the back.

Claire's place — Claire is still staring at the picture of Edie, and still looking goofy and smitten. She hears some water running in the bathroom; she assumes it's Anita, but ta-da! It's Edie. So Claire flips the picture over.

Edie: "What are you hiding?"
Claire: "Oh, nothing; it's just one of my photos."
Edie: "Oh."
Claire: "It's one of the ones I took of you. It's really good."
Edie: "Then why can't I see it?"
Claire: "It's too good. It's like I can't believe this actually came out of me. It's so good I don't even want anyone to see it. I'm not even gonna show it at my crit tomorrow, because... I don't know... it's just for me. Is that crazy?"
Edie: "Not at all."

But of course Edie takes it from Claire anyway, and says it's beautiful and that Claire has to take it to school. She also asks what Claire is so scared of, but Claire just sort of shrugs and doesn't know what to do with herself.

Claire: "I definitely owe you one for this."
Edie: "I'll think about how I can collect on that."

Day-umn!

A scuzzy motel — Nate and Brenda are in bed. Brenda says it's the last time, but Nate knows better. Brenda says it's all Joe's fault, but we know Brenda really should be with Nate. Nate just thinks Brenda is trying to sabotage her "real" relationship again, and Brenda points out that he doesn't seem to be letting himself have anything like one of those either. What is wrong with you two? Stop trying to fix things and just be neurotic together already! Meanwhile, Brenda looks so good, I'm jealous of the scuzzy pillow and sheets.

Nate finds his used condom on the floor and starts talking about how amazing sperm is. I really have to stop eating dinner during this show.

Dinner with Ruth and George — George announces that he'll be gone all day tomorrow because he's going fossil hunting: he does it every year.

Ruth: "Oh, that's nice. I know how much your annual fossil hunt means to you."
George: "You could come with me, if you wouldn't find it too boring."
Ruth: "Oh, I don't know. I have to return some books to the library."

Yeah, you're gonna run out and check out a few books right after dinner, aren't you, just so you can make sure you don't have to go fossil hunting? I know I would. But no, Ruth decides she does want to go after all, darn it. And the curtain closes on the most awkward conversation that has ever taken place in the Fisher house, which is really saying something.

Celeste's dressing room, somewhere in Detroit — Celeste has lost one of her favorite earrings. She still looks like Dawn Summers to me, and the whining is not any easier to take just because it's supposed to be comical.

Celeste knows that only one thing will make her feel better: going to a gay bar. Hey, Keith: can you say deus ex coming-out-ina?

Cut to a shot of David in his bed, unable to sleep. And then cut back to the bar, where Javier (Keith's homophobic co-worker) says "Midwestern queers really creep me out." Yeah, right back at ya, dude.

Keith's phone rings: it's David, who figures out that Keith is in a gay bar. The conversation doesn't go well.

Javier: "Your old lady pissed at you? You coulda just told her you were at some fag bar and there was no chance you were taking home some pussy tonight."
Keith: "Javier, I'm gay. I have a boyfriend. I sleep with men. Okay? I have a lot of sex and it's really, really gay."
Javier: "That's cool, man."

Back where it's really, really ungay, David still can't sleep.

Cold Canyon — Ruth thinks she's about to dehydrate. George offers her some of his water, which he claimed he didn't have earlier — "because I thought if you knew, you wouldn't make your water last as long." Okay, Ruth, this is getting to be as bad as the Rico situation. You and Vanessa should talk.

Ruth decides to visit her sister, since they're so close to where she lives.

The Fisher kitchen table — Nate is whining because his mom isn't there to babysit while he goes out with his ex-co-worker from the doggy day camp, and because he's no longer working at the doggy day camp. Nate, you always get extra whiny when you're feeling weird about Brenda. Get over it and get on with it.

Claire asks Anita what time the movie is, but Anita won't be going; she's going to see Russell. Claire says, "So it'll just be me and Edie tonight," in that carefully matter-of-fact way that you say things that make you want to jump up and down with some sort of emotion or another.

David comes in. He says he's fine; he just hasn't had a lot of fun working on "crumbly" Mrs. Morrison. Claire invites David to go to the movie with her and Edie. No, no, no! You're supposed to go by yourself, I mean, with Edie, but alone. Together.

Maya fusses a little — whaddya know? She has vocal cords! — so Nate starts to sing a song about a petunia in an onion patch. I guess I missed that one when I was a kid. Claire and David sing too, and it's so damn hokey it's adorable.

Anita: "What the hell was that?"
Claire: "My mother used to sing it to us."
Anita: "Well, that explains a lot."

Sophia's house — Rico leaves a package by the door -- it's the book for Sophia's kid. Vanessa's watching from her car. Wooooo!

Joe and Brenda's new house — What, they're already moving in? Egad. They talk about where they'll have the nursery. Brenda says she's not pregnant yet anyway; she got her period yesterday but didn't tell Joe. Joe tries to be sweet about it, even though he's feeling more than a little left out. I try to feel some sympathy for Joe, even though I'm feeling more than a little relieved that we won't be seeing Joe Jr. next season.

Claire's crit — Carolyn the teacher says Claire's stuff is definitely better than it was in the last crit, but it's still not all that — except for the picture of Edie.

Carolyn: "Claire, what do you think this photograph is saying?"
Claire: "Um, it's about being half hidden? And what it means to come out of the shadows?"
Carolyn: "The woman in the photograph looks at us like she wants us to come closer. But we don't. She teases us, almost like she's daring us. But what is the dare? Is it to touch her? She looks like she knows we're scared. But what's so scary about this beautiful woman? What's so scary about getting close to someone? Because we don't quite know the answer to any of these questions, the photo haunts us. Nice work, Claire. Does anyone else have any comments?"

Hmm, why isn't Russell there today? Did Anita tie him up and leave him? That morose girl in the back, whose name is apparently Elise, pipes up:

Elise: "I'm really pissed off."
Carolyn: "And why is that, Elise?"
Elise: "Claire takes an erotic picture of her beautiful girlfriend, and she gets an 'A' just because you're a lesbian. This sucks."
Claire: "She's not my girlfriend."
Elise: "Gimme a break."
Carolyn: "Okay, that's enough."
Claire: "Anita, tell her she's just my friend."
Anita: "Um, she's not Claire's girlfriend. That I know of."

Mmm hmm.

Sarah's house — Sarah, Ruth's sister — I love Patricia Clarkson — is thrilled to see Ruth. Ruth just sort of sobs in her arms. Then Bettina comes out of the house — I love Kathy Bates — and they all laugh and cry some more. Except for George, who's just standing there like he disapproves, because he does.

Sarah is sort of a teacher now, or "the crazy art lady who comes in a few afternoons a week." She's helping kids make papier maché monsters to represent the monster-ish parts of themselves. Cool — can I do one that represents Rico? Or George?

Bettina says "George has just told me the entire history of papier maché. It was fascinating." Then her expression says "I'd rather make paper out of my own skin than listen to that again."

George and Sarah go inside because George needs the little boy's room. Ruth and Bettina stay outside, where Bettina says tells Ruth she looks funny. Ruth explains that she was dehydrated earlier. Well, that's because George saps all the life out of everything, which is exactly what Bettina's thinking.

Bettina: "Well, now that I have you back, I'm not gonna let you go. You have to stay for dinner. I have a million questions for you. You must have a million for me."

See? So much chemistry between these two!

Vanessa's car — Vanessa calls her sister and tells her what's up. Sophia comes out of her house while Vanessa is watching, so Vanessa tells her sister, "Rico's charity has a double D." Get him, Vanessa! If looks could kill, indeed — Vanessa's eyes are darker than, well, than midnight, but I don't like to quote Melissa Etheridge.

The movies — Edie and David talk about how gorgeous Julia Stiles is. They ask Claire what she thinks, and Claire says "I don't know what makes a girl pretty or not. I don't look at girls that way." David and Edie share a smirk.

David: "When you were little you used to go on and on about how beautiful you thought Jennifer Aniston was."
Claire: "That's because I was parroting what the culture was telling me to think. What did you expect? I was 11."

Well, when I was 11, I figured out I was gay. I'm just sayin'.

A preview for that Robert Redford/Helen Mirren movie comes on, and there's a guy pulling a gun on another guy in a car, so David freaks out and leaves. I don't think Edie's upset about it.

Nate's date — Hmm. I dunno, the ex-co-worker is kinda cool, but Nate is boring me with this "having fun through mindless fucking" thing. Because we all know the stuff with Brenda is not mindless.

Sarah's house — Bettina talks about the guy who ran out on her, and how after that she and Sarah went to Taos and followed Julia Roberts and her husband around, because "the only way you can show everybody is to have the time of your life." Right on, Bettina!

Bettina wants to hear more about George's crazy son, because she has a crazy daughter, and George decides it's time to go watch TV. Yay, now the fun can begin!

A bar — David finds solace in a vodka gimlet and a sympathetic bartender. Well, he sort of finds solace, but he thinks the entire room wants to kill him. The bartender makes him feel better by giving him an extra order of onion rings that the kitchen made by mistake.

Celeste's limo — Celeste says Keith shaves well and has nice clothes, blah blah, and wants to know why Keith didn't tell her he's gay. She also says Javier has a crush on Keith. It's enough to make everyone think.

Sarah's house — Three women "of a certain age" having dinner and giggling — ain't it great? Bettina wonders whether George is ever coming in to dinner, but Ruth explains that he's a very focused guy and gets caught up in things sometimes. They talk about Sarah's latest guy, who is a freelance editor, has a cat, and is nice. Hmm, I think I know this guy. Is he a lesbian?

Bettina says Sarah's guy is a loser, but Sarah says he's someone to do things with.

Bettina: "C'mon, if all you can say about a guy is that he's someone to do things with, then that's worse than being alone."

Ruth says they should be getting home, but she doesn't want to, so she happily accepts when Sarah offers the guest room.

The movie — Edie puts her hand on the armrest, and Claire's hand is already there. Their pinkies touch. Claire notices, Edie pretends not to, and nobody breathes, especially me.

That same seedy motel — Nate takes his ex-co-worker there so he can think about Brenda.

The bar — The bartender wants more than a tip from David. So they leave together, but David keeps having flashbacks, and can't even have sex. The bartender wonders why he always picks the crazies. David's not crazy! But I'm not sure he knows that.

Outside Celeste's dressing room — Javier gives Keith a phone message from a "Heywood Jablome." Whatever.

The seedy motel — As what's-her-name sleeps, Nate sees Lisa, dressed as a petunia and surrounded by onions. Lisa says the woman seems sweet, and maybe Nate can give her the life he didn't give Lisa. Nate says he gave Lisa everything he had.

Lisa: "Here's my advice to you: stop with the cheap motels, stop sleeping with the crazy ex, and try to have a real relationship with this one. What's stopping you?"
Nate: "The pain. I can't ever again go through the pain of starting a life with someone and then having it taken away from me."
Lisa: "Oh, please. Life is pain: get used to it."

To make her point, Lisa pelts him with onions.

Edie's car — They're in front of Claire's house, at the end of the evening. The atmosphere is kind of tense. So Edie kisses Claire, but Claire doesn't really kiss back.

Edie: "Claire, what's goin' on here?"
Claire: "I don't know."
Edie: "I mean, I feel like maybe you're into me, but you're just confused, right? Because I could be into you if I knew you were into me, you know? So, I'll need you to say it."
Claire: "I can't say it. Okay, look, this is what I know. It's like, you really inspire me; I wanna be with you all the time. I feel like you're this really special person who makes me feel like I am more special. Okay, that sounded really stupid."
Edie: "No it didn't."

There's still a lot of tension, and chemistry, so Edie leans in once more, and this time Claire kisses back a little. But she still stops the kiss and says, "This isn't... I'm sorry," and gets out of the car.

Sigh.

The problem here is that there isn't really a problem: of course it's fine for Claire to be confused, and to not be gay, or to not know whether she's gay or bi or whatever, and that is all still very much in keeping with the real-life organic way that things happen, so it's not a big deal, and I have nothing to complain about, so there's no problem, except that if I don't have anything to complain about, I don't know what to do with my frustration.

Well, okay, here's one thing: who doesn't react favorably when Mena Suvari says "I could be into you"? I mean, really, who??

The funeral — Brenda calls Nate.

Nate: "Bren, can we have an honest conversation?"
Brenda: "Oh, fuck."

Yep, I'd say that's pretty honest! But Nate goes on about what's good for him and for Brenda and who's happy and blah blah. He tells Brenda to give Joe a chance, but she wonders if it's too late. Nate says Brenda should try to tell Joe the truth, but I think we all know how I'd feel about that. I mean, how Joe would feel about that.

Sarah's house — George is talking Bettina's ear off again. Elsewhere, Sarah tells Ruth that George is like Nathaniel: "a jovial nature masking something else." Ruth doesn't seem terribly thrilled about the idea of falling in love with the same person over and over again.

Sarah and Bettina have to go so they can feed breakfast burritos to the homeless. Ruth asks Sarah how she does it all. Sarah says Ruth maybe wants to be getting out a little more. They both decide that they tend to "subsume themselves" in relationships because their mom did — but maybe they don't have to perpetuate the legacy. You go, girls!

Joe and Brenda's house — Brenda tells Joe that she slept with someone else, but says it wasn't anyone Joe knows. Well, so much for telling the truth. But it doesn't matter: Joe says "I am so fucked. I've never liked anyone as much as you, and I'm never gonna like anyone as much again. So that's it, it's over, and this sucks."

Aw, Joe! That's so sad! That Brenda: what a heartbreaker.

Brenda suggests that they look at it as a beginning, but Joe doesn't think much of that idea.

David and Keith on the phone — Keith wonders whether Freud would say that Javier really does want to blow Keith, on some level. David says, "I don't recall Freud's position on the Heywood Jablome phony phone message." David! A nervous wreck and still witty: you're fabulous.

David finally says he wants to quit doing the open relationship thing, and starts to cry. Keith says, "Let it out. I'm here. You're gonna be okay; I'm here." Wah!

Rico's house — Vanessa screams at Rico, and slaps him around a little, but not enough, and she's also falling apart. He's so not worth it, Vanessa! Just meet me and Brenda at that seedy motel and we'll stop perpetuating our legacies and start a new one.

The conversation/fight ends with Rico saying Vanessa doesn't understand, and Vanessa saying she understands it a whole lot better than Rico does. Yeah.

Claire's place — Claire's frantically looking for something. Edie saunters in.

Claire: "Edie, what are you doing here?"
Edie: "Claire, I just... I couldn't be away from you. I have to be with you. I really need you."

Then she laughs and says Claire left her wallet in Edie's car. Ha ha! Way to clear the air, Edie.

Edie: "You know, maybe on some unconscious level, you left it because—"
Claire: "Okay, fine, I give up, let's just sleep together."
Edie: "Now?"
Claire: "In a sec; I need to brush my teeth."
Edie: "Last night, it seemed like this isn't want you want."
Claire [while brushing]: "It isn't. But come on, get undressed, let's go."
Edie: "I don't understand what's changed."
Claire: "Hold on. [spits and rinses] Nothing has changed. Part of me thinks this is what I want, and part of me thinks it isn't. But what if the part of me that thinks it isn't feels that way because I'm scared? And after all, I do owe you one."
Edie: "All right, you're on."

Sophia's house — Rico and Sophia have sex. Why did you have to go and ruin my warm floaty giggly feeling? Now I just feel sick.

(Oh, and in case you couldn't tell from my use of the words "floaty" and "giggly," I completely approve of Claire's little adventure. Partly because Edie's obviously willing to be the guinea pig, and mostly because it seems like Claire's being as honest as she knows how to be, because Claire rocks.)

The Fisher residence — Nate is playing with Maya; he says he can't wait until she can talk. Yeah, me neither: then I won't have to wonder whether she's being drugged. Suddenly Lisa shows up again, and maybe it's because the last time we saw her she was in a petunia costume, but I think she looks pretty gorgeous.

Lisa tells Nate not to call his ex-co-worker. He's confused, because of course that was what she told him to do last time. Lisa explains:

Lisa: "I'm so fuckin' scared that you'll go back to Brenda that I'll do anything to stop it. If you have a relationship with Brenda, then I'll really be dead."
Nate: "Brenda's just sleeping with me because she loves Joe. That's what she does."
Lisa: "No. It's different this time. You love her and she loves you, and you should be with her before it's too late."
Nate: "This is giving me a really bad feeling."
Lisa: "Uh-oh. If I were you, I'd check that out. It might be a tumor."

A nice, full circle, and when I say "full," I mean full of lots of messed-up stuff, and perfect nonetheless. I love this show.

NEXT WEEK ON SIX FEET UNDER: David's not fine; Rico's still an asshole; Brenda can't surgically remove Nate from her life; Joe is still around; Vanessa wants to confront Sophia; George is smothered (I hope literally); Javier wants Keith to help him out; Edie thinks Claire makes the night go right.

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