THIS WEEK'S EPITAPHS:

• Nate Fisher: Finally, he sucked it up.
• A moment of silence, please — wait, make that rejoicing — as Brenda stops trying to be normal.
• Join with me in asking George way too many questions.
• Here lies Claire: on the grass, with Edie, and a big grin on her face.

Robert Carl Meinhardt (1962-2004) — Oh no! Someone's stealing a laptop! And I think it's even a widescreen! I can't cope with this concept. Never mind that I just spent an hour trying to get my stupid laptop to boot up properly: I still don't want anybody to steal it. And let's not even talk about my PDA.

So while the thieves are taking laptops and jewels and furs, there's a guy on his knees, tied up and duct-taped. Okay, that's worse than losing your laptop, unless of course you want to be on your knees, tied up and duct-taped, but Brenda's not in this scene. And this guy is not happy, because one of the robbers is pointing a gun at his head. Then, because this show is apparently tired of pulling punches, the thief actually does put a bullet through the guy's forehead. Eeek. To make it all worse, a woman is leaving a message, telling the guy she'll be home soon. Wah!

It makes me think of Marge Gunderson in Fargo: "And for what? Money. And on such a beautiful day, too." Something like that.

Keith and David's place — David is putting makeup on his bruises so the bereaved won't freak out. Keith tells him he doesn't need to go back to work yet, but David doesn't agree: things are crazy at Fisher & Diaz, partly because of the body David "lost" — otherwise known as the corpse that Jake the hitchhiker spilled into the street. Asshole.

Keith reminds David that he didn't lose the body, but David's not listening. Keith starts to give David an update on how the investigation of Jake the hitchhiker is going, but David doesn't want to talk about that either. Geez, Keith is just trying to take care of you! But David is pretending it was just a robbery, and is refusing to tell his family what really went on, because he "just want[s] everything to go on as planned," including his family birthday party. Okay, now you're just being a masochist.

Rico's house — I still don't want to recap Rico, but there's Vanessa, reminding him about David's birthday dinner. Ignore the rest of it: just look at lovely Vanessa. Put it on mute, and cover your eyes when Rico's on the screen. Isn't that better? Ahhh.

Camp for Dogs — Nate is playing with a dog named Garbo who "usually hates men." Ha ha! Diane Delano (who played Miss Glass, and other assorted characters, on Popular) is trying to figure out why Nate thinks he can work at a dog place when he's never worked with dogs before, but Nate says that being around people who are grieving is sort of like being around dogs: you have to be with them instinctually. Huh. Yeah, but the grieving people aren't half as cute!

At one point I pause the DVR and laugh, because Nate's puppy-dog eyes make him look just like the dog he's holding. Diane Delano falls prey to his puppy-dog eyes too, and his line that every time he walks by the place, "it just looks like life."

A woman comes in — she works there too? I dunno — and suddenly the place looks even more like life to Nate.

The Fisher residence — George is saying something too boring to repeat. Ruth is being all wifey. Claire is there:

Ruth: "Are you sure you don't want some tuna salad, dear?"
Claire: "Mom, I just woke up."
George: "The Japanese eat fish for breakfast every day."
Claire: [squinting] "Great."

I could say something about eating fish, and I guess I just did.

Ruth and George talk about what to wear to an academic cocktail party. Claire and I try to pay attention.

David walks in, looking all spiffy and happy. Claire asks him how he is — in that "no, how are you really?" sort of way — and David says "I'm fine" in that "leave me alone" sort of way.

David tries to walk away from the conversation, but Ruth follows, because she wants more details. She can't understand why a car-jacker would hurt David so badly if David wasn't arguing with him. Ruth, you really know how to be with people instinctually, and you often know when they're lying, and for some reason people don't really seem to get that insightful stuff about you.

Brenda's apartment — Joe is talking about the grueling life of a French Horn player. Shut up, Joe: you lucky submissive musician boy, you. He tells Brenda he's found them a house. Brenda wants to know if this would be "for, like, now?" Hmm, I think somebody's getting cold feet. Joe reminds her they'll need space for the kid, but she wonders if they're ready, even though she says she is in that "I really mean it" sort of way.

Brenda: "You don't think we're just talking out of our eggs, do you?"
Joe: "I'm not talking out of my eggs. I'm talking out of my basket."

Nice job, Joe: get in a few more good lines before Brenda kicks you out on your optimistic, well-meaning, passionless ass.

The bereavery — The dead guy's wife does not want David to mention the cause of death. Huh? Is there something shameful about being a murder victim? Or did she hire those people to kill him or something? The woman also says she's an atheist, so no religiosity will be necessary, and that if she weren't already an atheist, she would be now. Yeah.

Downstairs at Fisher & Diaz — Woah! Rico, who is still recappable in his mortician role, is packing the dead guy's emptied-out head with a big wad of cotton, or something similar. Then he puts the section of skull back on the head, like the guy is a sort of modified plastic Easter egg, and stretches the hair and scalp back down — eww, icky sound effects. David shows up; he and Rico assume the guy killed himself since the wife doesn't want anyone to know.

Rico has to go call Sophia (moving out of recappable zone again), so he asks David to sew the guy up. David looks like he'd rather put a bullet through his own forehead.

Claire's place — Anita is moving in for a few days; she's been kicked out for playing with someone's turtles. Don't ask me.

Hey, there's Edie! She's looking at Claire's photos of the post-rummage-sale bonfire, as well as the pictures of the blood that bubbled up from the floor; she thinks they're great and "apocalyptic." But to Claire they're still pointless: "All these real horrible things happen in the world every day, that have so much more impact than art does."

No, they don't. Broader impact, maybe, and more immediate and apparent, but not "more." I can say this, having had those teary-eyed shaky moments that make the world stop, just because a particular Van Gogh is lighting up the entire MoMA and I happen to be on the other side of the room from it.

But of course Claire's thinking about David, and other random assholes:

Claire: "Some old lady spits at you, and it seriously affects your outlook on things."
Anita: "Did an old lady spit at you?"
Claire: "No. I mean, yes, actually, but it doesn't matter."

I try not to snicker as Claire gets all serious and starts to tell Edie how wonderful and much more important her work is, and Aleksandra Mir's work — stuff that happens to people, instead of just hanging on a wall doing nothing. Edie says Claire's images are definitely doing something.

Anita wants to know if this is all because Carolyn — Brooke Smith, my girlfriend — reamed Claire out for being vacant. But Claire just wants to make work that does something, so Edie suggests they do something together, a mixed media thing at a mall or something. Anita tries to chime in, because she doesn't realize that although it seems like Edie and Claire are talking about "making something," they're really talking about making out.

An academic cocktail party — Ruth overhears one of George's exes talking about how much of a jerk he can be. We already knew this.

Rico and Vanessa's house — This is sort of recappable: when Rico thought he was leaving a message for Sophie, he was actually leaving a message on his own stupid machine, and so of course Vanessa thought the message was for her. He makes up a lame excuse and Vanessa looks at him like he's a lying shithead. We already knew this too.

George's car — Ruth confronts George about his ex. He pretends he can't remember much about it. Ruth, come on: see if you can get Kathy Bates to guest star again and take you out on the town. George is starting to qualify as toxic.

The office at Fisher & Diaz — David is working. He's still fine. Nate gives him some stuff for his bruises. They sort of have a bonding moment, but David is still very alone.

Camp for Dogs — Nate and that foxy co-worker are playing with some dogs. Why can't we just let Nate interact with the dogs for a while, instead of always the women? Well, not that I blame him. Or them, actually. Or the dogs.

Claire's place — Claire, Edie, Jimmy, Russell, and Anita are talking about the big thing they're gonna do in the mall. They're still being kinda mean to Anita. Stop that: I know she took a picture of a cat, but it was kind of a handsome cat.

Claire: "I wanna do something really confrontational. I mean, the world is ending out there, and people are just getting cosmetic surgery and watching debutantes get screwed up the ass."

No, we're watching Six Feet Under! And waiting for you to get screwed, or um, something, by Edie. So hurry up.

Jimmy has brought some AMT, which is "like Ecstasy but groovier," so they all partake. Claire thinks it's kind of early in the day to take drugs, but doesn't really protest. That's right, Claire: make your principles known.

Joe and Brenda's future home — Brenda says she's always wanted to be one of those people who have fabulous dinner parties. I don't believe you! Joe starts to compare himself and Brenda to Linus and Lucy, and it's just sweet and weird. They get all amorous and decide they don't need to use a condom. Great, Brenda: what are you thinking?

Claire's place — Claire is painting "Terror starts at home" on her wall. If I were going to paint some words on my wall, I think I'd paint that thing from 28 Days Later: "Repent, for the end is very fucking nigh." Edie is watching Claire like she's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen, which is entirely possible. Claire is making deep comments in that stoned kind of way, but they actually are deep: "It's like how many evil-doers do you have to kill before you become one yourself, you know?" Yeah, Marge Gunderson would agree.

Russell, Anita, and Jimmy are on the bed, pawing at each other. It's like somebody said "real artists in the corner; the rest of you on the bed."

They all start to sing "I need you so much closer," with Death Cab for Cutie. Claire looks at Edie with this adorable goofy in-love look on her face. It's all a big hippie artsy moment, and what's not to love?

Joe and Brenda's post-coital bliss — Brenda thinks about the calendar and thinks it's definitely possible. Great.

The Fisher residence — David is programming his new cell phone.

George: "Well, that's the one good thing about getting robbed, isn't it? Getting a new gadget."
David: "I hope it happens again so I can get a new Palm Pilot."

George, we are all so over you.

The trip — Russell tells Jimmy he's a genius. Anita tells them both they have to get in the shower with her, so they do. Edie and Claire dip their hands in red paint: they call it soothing, but it looks pretty damn sexy to me.

David's birthday dinner — Claire is conspicuously absent. Everyone talks about Keith's job, which makes Keith gets kind of corny, but I still adore him. So does David, who still has all that loneliness on his face anyway.

Claire's trip — Claire and Edie put blood-red handprints on the wall and it still looks deliciously sexy. Claire's phone rings; it's Nate telling her to come to the party. She gets all giddy and goofy about forgetting about the party. Isn't that alternate perception thing nice? That is, until it makes you think there are bugs under your skin or something.

The birthday dinner — Claire shows up, apologizing, and clearly (at least to Nate and David) high. Nate talks about his new job; he says the job makes him feel like he's 25 again, and life is simple and nothing horrible has ever happened to him. Wow! I'm kinda jealous. Claire says "We should all go work with dogs," and "We should all just let ourselves have what we want in life, as long as we're not like greedy imperialists." Okay, pass me that AMT.

Ruth asks Claire to help her clear; Claire says she can't have it be just the women who clear. So Keith and Rico get up, and Claire says "Now it's just the women and the people of color who are clearing." I don't need the AMT: I'm laughing too hard! So Nate gets up and helps and Claire says "he really gets it."

In the kitchen, Ruth tells Vanessa she met her friend Sophie the other day. Well, shit. Vanessa is confused by the idea of one her friends stopping by to see Rico at work, and of course gets suspicious.

Ruth says maybe she misunderstood, but I think her seemingly innocent chit-chat is designed to clue Vanessa in, and I approve completely.

Back at the table, Claire takes her present back from David because it's not meaningful enough. (Meanwhile, Vanessa is looking like she's going to stab Rico with a serving fork.)

George has given David a neti pot, which is gross, even if it does work. Ruth knew nothing of George's neti pot habits, and sort of freaks out that George is keeping yet another secret. George says "Ruth, that's enough." No, George, that's enough from you. That'll do, George.

Jimmy shows up in his underwear and asks Claire to help him find something tart.

In the kitchen, Ruth and Keith worry about David. Keith says there's a lot more insanity in the world than people realize. As long as you're out there fighting it, Keith, or at least guarding starlets, I'll be okay.

David is downstairs staring at the body.

Claire's place — The non-artists are doing push-ups and being weird. Edie and Claire wish they'd been together in their respective experiences away from each other: Claire because she re-connected with her family and Edie because "all these guys wanna do is lick each other all night." Edie also wants to go roll in the grass, so Claire escorts her out the door.

David and Keith's place — Keith has to go back to work. He doesn't want to leave David, but David insists. Keith says he doesn't trust that David would tell him if he needed him, and he's right about that. David, just let him be your man: he wants to!

George and Ruth's bedroom — Let's admit that it's over, shall we?

The lawn — Claire takes pictures of Edie rolling in the grass and tells her not to look "sexually objectified," so Edie just pulls Claire down onto the grass with her instead. They talk, and caress the grass and each other's hands, and cuddle and smile, and it's sensual and slow, and I am not at all impatient. Really, I'm not: this is nice and organic, and developing just like life does.

Edie climbs on top of Claire, and at first it looks like she might kiss her, but instead they just gaze a little, and then play "rolling pin." Cute!

The viewing — David hears some people talking about how Mr. Reinhardt really died. David has flashbacks to the Jake experience, and starts to feel like he can't breathe. He goes downstairs and dials 911; they help him figure out that he's having a panic attack and ask him whether he's been under a lot of stress. He tells them he's okay and hangs up. Ah, the Fisher sons: Nate feels too much pain, and David doesn't feel enough.

A Bed, Bath, and Beyond sort of store — Brenda is playing Stepford Wives (the original, not the remake) as she wheels a shopping cart through aisles filled with bedding and elevator music. I think she enjoys being there about as much as I enjoy being at Home Depot — I can never breathe afterwards, just like Brenda as she imagines all of the bedding falling down on top of her. Get out of there, Brenda! Meet me in the Home Depot parking lot and we'll go to a fetish club.

A bereavery — Claire finds David sitting in the dark. He explains about the panic attack, and how humiliating it was. Claire sympathizes in that great Claire way. David finally tells her the whole story of his nightmare on the town with Jake.

David: "He poured gasoline on me. And put a gun in my mouth... long enough for me to think 'My life is over and I know nothing.' I don't even know how to go. My mind kept spinning, trying to grab onto something, but nothing was enough. Not even Keith, or anyone. Nothing was enough."

Claire gives him his birthday gift, which she has made more personal. It's one of the bonfire photos, but it's just David, standing, with his hands in his pockets and the flames behind him.

Nate's bedroom — Claire is telling Nate how bad things are with David. Nate doesn't want to hear it, because he can't possibly go back to work at Fisher & Diaz.

Nate: "I've finally got a life I can stand."
Claire: "He would do it for you."

Cut to the funeral service, and to Nate coming down the stairs, ready to console the grieving. He stands next to David, who sighs and looks like he finally feels just a little bit safe.

The kitchen — Ruth finally has a bit of a meltdown and screams at George. They fight; it comes down to Ruth wanting to why he would leave all those women, and George spits, "Because they asked too many fucking questions." George? I have just one question. Can you go fuck yourself now? Preferably on another continent?

Rico's idiocy — Nope, I won't do it. Not even for Vanessa, who's really lovely when she's angry.

The office at Fisher & Diaz — Nate is doing some late night data entry. There's a knock at the door. Brenda comes in, wearing a shirt that makes me stamp my foot and howl.

Nate: "What's up?"
Brenda: "Oh, I don't know."
Nate: "Are you okay?"
Brenda: "I don't know. Maybe it's just who I am."
Nate: "Do you want to sit down?"
Brenda: "I don't think that I can change. I just can't become this totally different person living this simple, happy little life."
Nate: "Neither can I."

And they kiss, because these two still belong together, and I don't care how nice Joe is or how good for her he might have been. I've said it before: the thing between Nate and Brenda is unspoken, ineffable, real. And did I mention how hot she looks in that shirt?

NEXT WEEK ON SIX FEET UNDER: David doesn't want to be babysat; George hunts while Ruth visits Patricia Clarkson; Claire and Edie are special; Keith goes to a gay bar; Nate and Brenda continue along their wayward way.

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