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Next
Party
time — Ben and Michael are getting ready for
their housewarming party and wondering what to do about Hunter.
And of course Hunter shows up, babbling about debate club
again. Michael confronts him, and Hunter storms off. Ben says
they want to help him, but Hunter says it's too late and he
can't go back to school. Michael and Ben insist that they
know what Hunter's going through, but he says they have no
idea. They probably don't — I know I can't imagine what
it's like to be HIV-positive in high school. Sigh.
Woody's
— Justin and Brian are choosing a gift for the
housewarming party. Well, Justin is choosing — Brian
is just moping and snarking as usual. Brian finally covers
his eyes and lets his finger land on something — it's
a hands-free toilet. "300 bucks down the crapper,"
says Brian.
Brian
sees Hot Guy walk by, and finally tells Justin what's bothering
him. He can't even really say it, though; he has to do a lot
of gesturing and hmmmming. Justin figures it out and feigns
pity, telling Brian he's still the hottest guy in Pittsburgh.
And he tries to get back to the gift catalog.
Brian:
"I'm not going to their fucking party."
Justin: "Why not?"
Brian: "Because I'm going to a
fucking party."
Touché!
Deb's
kitchen — Deb shuffles down the stairs to hear
Carl grunting and Emmett saying "Take it like a man."
And then she sees Carl bent over the kitchen table and Em
standing behind him, and can't help but ask what the hell's
going on. But it's not that exciting — Emmett is just
waxing Carl's back, to practice for his upcoming segment.
Ha. Ha.
So
then Emmett asks Deb whether she wants him to give her a landing
strip.
Deb:
"Thanks, but I prefer to keep the entire airport."
Deb's
still moping around and insisting she's feverish, even though
the thermometer doesn't agree. She figures some Haagen Dazs
will cure her.
Emmett
has more important things on his mind:
Emmett:
"Do you think I'm physically attractive? You know,
sexy?"
Deb: "Well, keeping in mind that
I'm a heterosexual woman of a certain age, and you're queer
as they come... fuck, yeah!"
But
Emmett thinks Brian may be on to something. And he decides
it's time all of those homophobes got over it.
Ted's
revenge — Ted sees that pityfucker at the gym
again, and asks for a spot. The pityfucker — okay, his
name is Troy, and he's about as interesting as that interminable
movie of the same name — thinks he recognizes Ted. But
Ted says nope, and then says yep when Troy asks if he wants
to hook up.
Round
two — Brian is at a restaurant, meeting a potential
client. She's got an anti-aging cream intended to help women
over 35, who are essentially invisible to most men. Really?
You mean I only have to wait a couple years and they'll leave
me the hell alone? Excellent!
While
he's chatting with the client, Brian sees another hot guy,
at a nearby table. The guy gets up to go to the loo, and Brian
assumes he's welcome to follow.
And
of course it doesn't work: the guy is, for reasons I cannot
fathom, not at all impressed with Brian, and just leaves the
loo with a bored look on his face.
The
diner — Deb is cuddling and chatting with Jenny
Rebecca: "Aren't you glad your asshole parents worked
through their shit? 'Cause now Gramma can hold you without
one of them thinking I'm a god-damn traitor."
Oh,
and there's Mel! I assumed she wouldn't be in this episode
— why bother to put the dykes on the screen if the baby
storyline has been resolved? Anyway, Mel teases Deb about
knowing how to sweet-talk a baby. Heh.
The
new waitress, Kiki, is larger than life like Deb, but unfortunately
rather inferior in every other way. The customers are complaining
about everything. Kiki freezes in her tracks and says she's
"a tranny on the verge of a nervous breakdown."
So Deb leaps to the rescue.
Mel
watches Deb work, and comes to a conclusion:
Melanie:
"Deb, I think I know what's wrong with you."
Deb: "Yeah?"
Melanie: "B.F.M."
Deb: "B.F.M... sounds serious.
What is it?"
Melanie: "Bored outta yer Fuckin'
Mind."
Right
on!
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