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Queer As Folk
recap: Season Five, Episode Six
(original air date 19 June 2005)
THIS
WEEK'S QAF FAQ:
-
Why was Ted so nice to that guy from the gym?
He's Ted. Try to accept it.
-
Is there hope for Melanie and Lindsay?
I say yes. But what do I know? I'm a sucker.
-
What did Deb's T-shirt say?
I think it just had a picture of a pink plate on it.
Babylon
— Ted is recounting his recent exploits; Emmett
is impressed. Apparently the nip and tuck did make a difference
to Ted's attitude.
But
of course Brian is the king of attitude:
Brian:
"Good evening, twats."
Emmett: "Would you kindly refrain
from using derogatory references to women, since they represent
half my fan base?"
Brian: "Have any hermaphrodites?"
Emmett: "Um, I don't think so..."
Brian: "Good: go fuck yourself."
Brian
scans the crowd for something "worth doing." Suddenly
they all three see him: the hottest guy on the floor. Or so
I guess we're supposed to conclude. Ted starts to go after
him, but Brian cuts in line. Oh, and Justin is there too,
watching and scowling and pouting.
Brian
follows Hot Guy to the back room and interrupts the little
liaison that's about to take place. But as Brian zeroes in
on his target, Hot Guy stops Brian's hand and walks away.
Whoa.
Did that just happen?? I suppose next you'll be telling me
the Earth is actually flat.
The
happy homo homeowners — Michael, Ben, and Justin
are talking about the new issue of Rage, in which
Rage and J.T. have gone to the planet Massachupiter to get
married.
Ben
and Michael talk about their upcoming housewarming party and
then smooch for a while. Justin looks on, sad and envious.
Hunter shows up to save me from my misery.
The
proud papas want to know where Hunter has been. He says he
was practicing with his debating partner; Justin says "Whenever
I used to tell my parents that, I was usually getting stoned."
You're busted, Hunter.
But
no, Ben and Michael are gullible and supportive, so Hunter
gets away with it for now.
The
Queer Guy — Emmett works his magic on a comb-over.
I really, really wish all those middle-aged straight men would
get the hint about that. Anyway, Em's new tag line is "be
faaaabbbulous," which is cute, but the whole thing is
still so fakey. It gets worse when the producer dude says
"Even people who hate fags love you." Ugh.
Expiring
— Deb is camped out on the couch, suffering
from some mysterious ailment. Carl is there with tea and toast,
because he rocks, but it's kind of clear that Deb's sorta
faking. Well, or that she feels under the weather, but not
for any clear reason. Still, Deb suspects it might be bird
flu because "a pigeon shit on my shoulder the other day."
Snort.
Shameless
self-promotion — Emmett is handing out flyers
at the gym — flyers for his upcoming appearance at a
department store. He finds Ted and they banter for a bit.
A guy walks by; it's the guy who went home with Ted during
Pride 2002, and later confessed that he thought of Ted as
a "pity fuck." And now Ted wants revenge. Ooooh,
I'm, like, so scared.
Parenting
— Ben is wearing black gloves with a brown leather
jacket. Come on, he should have better fashion sense than
I do — where's the queer guy when you need him? Anyway,
Ben is at Hunter's school, to watch Hunter debate. Ben sees
Callie and says hello. She, of course, knows nothing about
a debate. She also wants to know whether Hunter is okay, because
he hasn't been in school all week.
Ben
pretends all is well, but he can't pretend he doesn't have
a doofy look on his face again.
The
queer guy appearance — Em is offering tips and
being cute. Lindsay and Ted are there, cheering him on, and
Brian is there to do something rather different.
Brian:
"It's an honor to count among our close personal
friends television's latest gay eunuch."
Emmett: "Excuse me?"
Brian: "You know, as in nonsexual...
nonthreatening... ball-less. You do homage to a long and
illustrious line of lovable, laughable clowns who come before
you."
Wait,
did Brian just call somebody ball-less? Anyway, Brian says
that Emmett's fans think he's cute now, but they might not
adore him so much if they knew he "took it up the ass
and liked it." Hmm. Good point. So to speak.
Brian
puts his hand on Emmett's shoulder; a fan sort of knocks Brian's
hand off, and Brian flashes back to the rejection in the back
room. Oh, come on. It's one thing for him to be rejected —
now you want to make him insecure on top of it? Well, but
I guess he's never insecure on top.
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