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Queer As Folk
recap: Season Five, Episode Five
(original air date 12 June 2005)
THIS
WEEK'S QAF FAQ:
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Why is Justin suddenly wanting Brian to change?
The better question is why didn't Brian see this coming?
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Why is Michael suddenly being nice?
I guess sometimes the character inconsistencies swing the
right way.
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What did Deb's/Loretta's T-shirt(s) say?
Nuthin'! We got nuthin' this time!! Unless I missed it in
the midst of all the drama-rama.
Babylon
— The place is still hoppin'. And the boys are
hoppin' all over Emmett, the "TV star." And why
wouldn't they? He's the cutest thing there.
Justin
finds Brian in the new VIP lounge. Wouldn't it have been funny
if the VIP lounge had been clean and austere and full of people
reading books and collecting stamps? Instead, it's the usual
den of iniquity, and Brian and Justin are the kings.
Pass
the baby — Poor Jenny Rebecca is getting tossed
from Michael to Melanie to Lindsay in a silly little montage.
Sigh.
Pissed
and bitter — Hunter and Ben and Michael are
sauntering down the sidewalk. Hunter is understandably upset
about everything that's going on at school. Stepford Michael
tells him he can be pissed and bitter, or he can move on.
I'm going to do both when this season ends.
Brian
drives up in his car, which reminds me of the Ambiguously
Gay Duo car. Only cooler. Brian wants to know why Michael
didn't show up for "Hard Heroes" night, but Michael
is not properly apologetic.
Brian:
"Well, when you and Ben are through breast-feeding,
you should swing by."
Snort.
Deb's
house — Loretta has brought Deb some flowers.
Deb declares them "fuckin' beautiful." Loretta has
also made three kinds of fudge, because in her eyes, Deb deserves
everything. I feel the same way, but I'd be more likely to
make her tabouli or samosas than fudge.
Emmett
bounces down the stairs:
Emmett:
"Somebody win a beauty pageant?"
Deb: "Yeah, Miss Fat Ass 2005."
I
snort, but Loretta tells Deb she's not fat. That's not the
point — the point is that Deb is fuckin' beautiful either
way. Oh, and Loretta does point that out too.
And
then they hug, and it means too much to Loretta — and
Em can see that right away. After Loretta leaves, Em tells
Deb that it's obvious that Loretta's in love with her. Deb
doesn't wanna believe it, of course.
Deb:
"That's impossible. I'm a happily married woman.
I like dick."
Sing
it, sister!
Deb
asks Em what she should do, and he says she simply has to
talk to Loretta. Deb imagines saying "Listen, Loretta:
I can't even imagine diving into a muff."
Heh.
This is making me think of Margaret Cho. "You really
need a Wet Nap if you're going to eat that. Mmm, this is way
too much... could I have a pussy bag? Pussy play ping pong!!"
Brian's
check-up — Hey, there's Brian's ass. Or at least
his left cheek. It's rather attractive, and I'm a lesbian.
Help!
But
there's bad news: Brian has syphilis. The doctor explains
that it's becoming more common in the gay community, and asks
Brian whether he can pinpoint who gave it to him. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
The
treatment is penicillin and two days of celibacy, which is
like telling Margaret Cho not to swear for two days. Or telling
George W. Bush not to mispronounce anything or get all defensive
for two days. Or two hours. Or — wait — it's like
telling me not to ramble for two recaps.
The
doc also tells Brian he'll need to inform everyone he's had
sexual contact with.
Brian:
"Had we but world enough and time."
It's
one thing to be a sexy thang with a cute left cheek: must
you also be well-read?? Can I be your coy mistress?
School
sux — Everyone's staring at Hunter. He stands
fairly strong anyway. Callie is nice to him, and he's never
needed it more.
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