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The aftermath — Hunter has a concussion and a lot of complaining to do: after all, now the whole school thinks he has AIDS. He says he's never going back. Ben tells him he has nothing to be ashamed of and the swim coach is going to explain to everyone that you can't get HIV from a few drops of blood in a chlorinated pool. He also reminds Hunter that he's now the 50-meter freestyle champion. Geez, and I thought I had tough times in high school.

Babylon — Brian is watching the latest floor show; this one is for Hard Heroes night. Brian tells them it's not good enough yet — he wants Michael to "lose his mind, and his breath, and his bladder control" when he sees it. So wow, he's really doing this for Michael? Brian, you're a prince, and Michael doesn't deserve you.

Brian is certain that Michael will eventually get tired of suburbia and come back to the jungle. Justin doesn't think so. Gee, are they talking about Michael or themselves?

The diner — Loretta's husband is there, asking her how her jaw is. Lovely.

Darrell: "I know I lost my temper. I promise I won't do that again."
Loretta: "That's what you always say."
Darrell: "Come on. It's time for you to come on home."
Loretta: "Darrell, I..."
Darrell: "You don't have to apologize. I forgive you."
Loretta: "You forgive me?"
Darrell: "Yeah, forget all about what happened. Just get your coat."
Loretta: "I don't wanna forget it. I'm not goin' back home. I'm stayin' here."
Darrell: "What, slingin' hash in some fag diner? Is that what you're gonna do to take care of yourself? To be independent? You know, that'd be funny if it weren't so damned pitiful."
Loretta: "I'm not pitiful."
Darrell: "What do you think you're proving here, Loretta? That you can live without a man? That you're a lezzie?"
Loretta: "I am, Darrell. I am a lesbian and I'm not ashamed."
Darrell: "Well, you oughtta be. Your problem's just that you haven't been gettin' enough recently. And I'm gonna take care of that."
Loretta: "No you're not."
Darrell: "Now what did you say to me?"
Loretta: "I told you."
Darrell: "And I'm tellin' you, my truck is parked outside. Now let's go."
Deb: [brandishing a baseball bat, banging it on a table] "Exactly what part of 'fuck off' don't you understand?"
Darrell: "Who the hell are you?"
Deb: "I'm the one with the baseball bat."
Darell: "This is between me and my wife."
Deb: "And she's trying to tell you something. Only you're not gettin' it through your head, so maybe my friend here can help."
Darrell: [to Loretta] "Let's go. Come on."
Loretta: "No. I said no! You are not a nice person, Darrell. You don't treat me with the respect I deserve. And I don't love you anymore."
Deb: "I hope you heard her this time. Now you better leave before me and my fag friends beat the livin' shit out of you."

So he goes. And several leather daddies, along with Deb and Loretta, stand and stare as he does.

Now why did I type all that out? Because I want you to see how dreadful and clichéd the writing was — lifted right out of a Lifetime movie, most likely, right down to the "my truck is parked outside." And also so I can tell you that despite how terrible the lines were, the scene was pretty good — especially when Deb showed up, of course. She rocks the house. Er, the diner.

School — Hunter is trying to mind his own business. Callie asks how he's doing, but he brushes her off. And then some asshole kids show up and tell Callie to stay away from Hunter because he's a fag, and they've heard that he got AIDS by "letting old geezers fuck him up the ass for cash." Hunter assumes Callie told someone, but she insists that she didn't. The kid slams Hunter against the locker, so Hunter says "You wanna get AIDS? Then go ahead, hit me: get my blood all over you."

Hey, that was kinda cool. And it worked. But geez, poor Hunter.

Callie tries to be there for Hunter, but I don't think he's gonna trust anybody for a while. Callie kinda looks like a cross between Rachel Griffiths and Christina Ricci... or maybe I just wish I were watching a different show.

Hunter just runs out the door without a word.

The Teddy twilight zone — Ted is waking up from surgery, and in his wooziness he imagines that Brian is referring to him as the "hottest guy in town." But Brian's not there, of course — Emmett is, being his smiley friendly wonderful self, even though Ted is grumbling.

Ted: "Thank you for seeing me through this, Em."
Emmett: "Please. When I pull my Joan Rivers, you'll be right there with me."

Em tells Ted to rest, and sashays out the door.

But Ted is far too curious to just rest, so he hobbles over to the mirror, grunting in pain. And of course as he confronts his bandaged, puffy face, he screams. We don't get to see anything, because if we did we'd have no reason to tune in next week. Or something.

Woody's — Rosie and Sharon, um, I mean Loretta and Deb, are slamming shots and celebrating the kicking of Darrell to the curb.

Loretta: "Didja see his face?"
Deb: "Pissed as hell. Which is exactly what I'm gonna be if I have another one of these."
Loretta: "Me too."
Both: "Another shooter!"

Deb says she's proud of Loretta, and there's nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Loretta: "I don't know how I can ever repay, you Deb. First you give me a new life, and then you save it."
Deb: "Honey, you don't owe me a damn thing. But there is something that you owe yourself. Happiness. You've been through a lot of shit, and you deserve it."
Loretta: "Someone to share it with?"
Deb: "Someone who'll treat you right."

As they say their good-byes, they hug, and then Loretta leans in for a kiss and says "love you." Deb, who is understandably surprised, gives her a nervous smile and says "You too."

So I will say again that I think Rosie's doing a pretty good job, and I will also add that I am so damn jealous. I'd bet that about 75% of American lesbians in their thirties and forties (that means me and Rosie) have been in love with Sharon Gless since the first time they laid eyes on Christine Cagney. Swoon!!

Ben and Michael's house — Mel is not exactly eager to turn J.R. over to the two daddies. But she finally lets her go, and tells them to call if they have questions. The kid starts crying almost as soon as Michael takes her (who's surprised by this?), but quiets down when she sees Ben. She's probably thinking "are you a person, or a frog?"

Wow, I am so not fit for parenthood — even that little bit of whimpering from J.R. made me want to hit the mute button.

Babylon — There's a big crowd, and there are hard heroes soaring through the air. And there's Brian up on the balcony, surveying everything. And what's not there? Michael, of course. Justin says "he might still come," but of course Michael and Ben are staring down at a baby, rather than a bulge.

The empty house — Mel sits and watches the rain, looking lonely and scared.

Well. Could we have something funny next week, please? Anything?

NEXT WEEK ON QUEER AS FOLK: Brian has caught something from someone; Hunter is shunned at school; Loretta courts Deb; Mel and Michael try to rip J.R. in half.

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