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A truce — Deb is visiting Loretta and offering her a classic T-shirt: it says "Life is just a bowl of fairies."

Loretta's packing — no, not like that. She's planning to get out of town because her sister has told her husband where she is. Deb says she can't just run away.

Deb: "When the asshole shows up, just tell him to go fuck off."

Somebody needs to compile a "Deb's words of wisdom" book. She's always right.

Loretta's scared, but Deb talks big enough for the both of them, so Loretta sighs and complies.

Domestic bliss — How the hell did Spiteful and Has-Ben get that house in such good shape so quickly? Apparently there's a Homo Depot nearby.

Brian is wearing the loveliest flowery shirt. Michael and Ben's domesticated friends, Eli and Monty, are going on about cooking and gardening. They want to know which is the chef and which is the gardener in Brian/Justin land.

Justin: "I really like cooking."
Brian: "And I love planting my seed in some hole."

I want Brian to attend every dinner party I ever go to.

Monty asks what Brian does. Justin sings Kinnetik's praises, but Brian brags about Babylon instead. Monty and Eli haven't been to Babylon in ages, of course. It doesn't suit their lifestyle.

Brian: [to Eli] "Which lifestyle is that, Monty?"
Monty: "I'm Monty."
Brian: [to Monty] "Which lifestyle is that, Monty?"

How much do I adore this man?

Brian jokes about starting "monogamous Mondays" because so many couples share Monty and Eli's sentiments. Ben tries to laugh it all off, but Eli says that "the kind of promiscuous behavior Babylon promotes" is no laughing matter.

Brian can't believe Eli and Monty haven't had "a little extramarital ass" but they say they haven't, and that's called being in a mature, loving relationship.

Brian: "That's called being dead."

Michael gets up and asks Brian to help him with dessert. Brian decides it's gift time instead. He's brought Ben and Michael a sling for the playroom they're furnishing.

Michael: "Not that kind of playroom."
Brian: [in mock realization] "Ohhhh."

Brian asks what's for dessert as Michael stands and scowls in the kitchen.

The swim meet — Oh, drama, drama, Hunter wins, but he also hits his head and bleeds. Callie's parents freak out and say "He's got AIDS!" so the coach pulls everyone out of the pool. Ben and Michael escort Hunter out of there, accompanied by utter silence from the stunned crowd. I don't know what's worse: the fact that Hunter the character has to go through this, or the fact that the kid playing Hunter has to put up with the Hal Sparks and Robert Gant School of Overacting.

A new you — Ted is freaking out, now that his face has been all marked up for surgery. He points out that he's never had surgery before and still has everything intact at the moment: tonsils, wisdom teeth, appendix. Emmett adds "foreskin" to the list. Oh. Who knew??

Ted: "Maybe Brian's right. Maybe this obsession with youth and beauty is shallow, superficial, narcissistic..."
Emmett: "We're fags, for chrissake. Being obsessed with youth and beauty is our god-given right."
Ted: "Should I pull out?"
Emmett: "You're seriously asking me that question? Teddy, for as long as I have known you, you have never felt good — really good — about yourself. So if a few incisions and a little fat-sucking is what it takes for you to finally be able to look in a mirror and smile, then I say it's not shallow and superficial. It's a blessing."

And then Ted's off to see the butcher.

Nice tank top — Mel is packing up a boatload of baby stuff so J.R. can go to Michael and Ben's house. (And she's wearing a tank top while she does it, so I will probably miss some key parts of this scene.) Lindsay jokes a little and even tries to be sympathetic:

Lindsay: "You know, I was thinking, why doesn't Gus stay with you tomorrow night?"
Melanie: "Hot date?"
Lindsay: "No, I just thought it'd be nice for you to have some company."
Melanie: "Oh, so I won't be lonely? Thanks, but as much as I would love to have him here, I don't need your pity."
Lindsay: "It's not pity."
Melanie: "No, it's you being gracious. Making the grand gesture."
Lindsay: "I was only trying to think of you."
Melanie: "Maybe you should have done that in the first place."

Fucking hell, Mel. Can't you tell when somebody's trying to make peace? We all know you're not a very good lawyer, given what has happened with the custody stuff, so you might as well quit pretending to be so argumentative and prickly. Oh, wait: that's not the lawyerly you, that's just you. Well, then grow up and evolve already!

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